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 It’s a know fact that women live longer than men.

Why you ask?

We’ve always been lead to believe that women are harder to live with, and men just die to get out of it.

And for years men have claimed that they work harder, worry more, and die younger because of it.

Maybe not so true.

A new study by the Japanese, recently published in Human Reproduction, a magazine I’m sure you all have on the coffee table, claims genes in sperm may be the determining factor in why women live longer than men.

Tomohiro Kono, a professor at Tokyo University and Saga University’s Manabu Kawahara discoverd that female mice produced from ‘genetic material’ from two mothers, but not from a father, lived a longer life (significantly) than the mice with the normal mix of “mom and pop” genes.

Oh Crap, Johnny really does have two mommies!

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MOMMY AND WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MOMMY

The “bi-maternal” mice came about when the two aforementioned scientists, who obviously have a God Complex and too much time on their hands, manipulated the DNA in mouse eggs.  All this manipulation made the genes go a little crazy, and they behaved like sperm. 

Go figure!  Killer sperm!

KILLER SPERM!

 

Once Tomo and Manny figured out how to do this, (and they aren’t telling anyone how they did it) the pseudo-sperm or “material” was implanted into unfertilized female mice eggs to create embryos. 

Again, they ain’t sayin’ how.

The “bi-maternal” mice lived 186 days longer than the “mom and pop” mice.

Now, I realize this is sounding more and more like a Japanese Horror Movie script, but really, this is some scary science here.

Researchers believe the real difference could be the fault of a gene called Rasgrf1. 

Discovered while the University Boys were enjoying a Bob Marley CD and smoking a bowl of Ganja, Rasgrf1 is located on the number nine Chromsome.   Rasgrf1 is associated with “post-natal” growth and normally “expresses”(whatever the heck that’s supposed to mean)  from the paternally inherited chromosome. 

So, to translate, Daddy’s genes are killin’ me!

According to one theory, males have bigger bodies in order to win out in the race for breeding opportunities (cruising singles’ bars) and thus “scatter their genes”.

Or,  “Sewing thier wild oats.”

What’s the price for said spreading/sewing?

Well, other than penicillin, most likely a shorter lifespan.

Females, the object of man’s desire or prey, do not have to enter this beauty pagent, and thus save up thier reproductive output to do silly things like, deliver babies (labor), nurture babies (breast feeding), and hunt for food (shopping) , as well as avoiding preadators (bullies, short tempered dads, obnoxious little league moms, slutty teenage girls, etc.), thus allowing them to live longer…although I still don’t know how.  Those little league moms can be hell on wheels!

So, guys, if the fact that your wife is probably going to outlive you, which is in and of itself a little depressing, isn’t bad enough, the fact that it’s not her fault just ices the cake.

You might want to give your dad a call today, you know, to thank him for the sperm gene, the one that’s killin’ ya!

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