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Dancing With The Stars announced it new slate of “stars” Monday.  I was so distraught, I nearly had to take to my bed!  Seriously, this is the first time I’ve been able to talk about it!

Stars?

Dancing with the Stars Cast!

I don’t think so.

Chaz Bono is not a star, his mother, Cher,  is a star, and his father was a star, but he’s not a star!

Ricki Lake, actress, singer, “dancer”, and TV talk show host;  she may have an edge.  All those “Hairspray” moves might just come back to haunt the rest of the cast.

David Arquette, his wife’s a star, I’m just not sure he is any more!

Chynna Phillips, daughter of Mama Michelle and Papa John;  she can sing, we will just have to wait and see if she can dance.

Carson Kressley, puh-lease, his fifteen minutes are UP.  If he gets fifteen more, frankly, the world may just end!

Elisabetta Canalis, “The Italian Beauty”…apparently, the real Italian Beauty, Sophia Loren said, NO!

Sorry, this is my favorite picture of ALL time, and I use it even with the flimsiest excuse!

Sorry, this is my favorite picture of ALL time, and I use it even with the flimsiest excuse!

Hope Solo, soccer star.  OK, I’ll have to admit, she really is a star, if you like soccer, which I don’t.

J.R. Martinez, Iraq War Vet and soap star.  Well at last someone to cheer for.  He’s a war hero, motivational speaker, and he calls Dalton, GA his home town.  I just hope he can dance!

Kristin Cavallri of “The Hills” fame!

Rob Kardashian, the unimpressive brother of the unimpressive sisters.  Does this family have no shame?

Ron Artest, the obligatory sports star.  Ron, BTW, has legally filed to have his name changed to Meta World Peace.  Wow, that’ll look great on the ‘coveted’ Mirror Ball Trophy!

and, Shut the Front Door, Nancy Grace! aka Satan!  I’m quite sure she’ll have the judges tried, convicted, and sentenced of something before it’s all over.

Sadly, for some reason, I find myself missing Bristol.

I’m just not sure I can watch this season.

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