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Charles Martel rolling over in his grave.

There are 5 Million Muslims in France.

And France is just a scimitar’s breadth away from banning the Burka!

“Why?”, you ask, is this important? 

And, “Who in the name of Liza Minnelli  is Charles Martel?”

Well, it’s important for many reasons.

France is supposed to be the world’s all in compassing, welcoming, wonderful, the place of love, and all that “stuff”.

As to the Charles Martel question…

…a quick trip through the 8th Century if you don’t mind.

Charles Martel, or Charles the Hammer, was a Frankish (French) nobelman.  Many think he was and call him the King of France, but ah, not so, grasshopper.

He was but a lowly Lord of the Manor.

And he really wasn’t French, he was Belgian. (You know, like the waffle maker I want!)

And frankly, he was pretty awesome.

Charles Martel at The Battle of Tours

He called himself  The Duke and sometimes The Prince of the Franks.  He was big on Hebrew National, and was the first to ask whey do we have ten franks, and eight buns per package.

He was a brilliant general,—he lost only one battle in his “career”.  The Battle of Cologne, some say he broke his Aramis.

Considered a Founding Father of the Middle Ages, he is often accused, blamed, credited in the development of feudalism, knighthood, and the whole Chivalry thing.

And, since he was Charlemagne’s grandfather, he’s credited with founding the Holy Roman Empire, (Which I might add, was neither Holy nor Roman, and was barely an empire.)

Nonetheless, Chuck was vitally important to all of Europe and the Western world.

The Umayyad invaders were used to simple Barbarians in Eastern Europe and Spain.  The Hammer’s organized, trained, army was quite a shock!  He, The Hammer,  kicked some Saracen Ass at Tours, said “can’t touch this”, and prevented the Muslim Invasion of Europe and the expansion of the Muslim Empire. 

So, the fact that there are five million Muslims in France, would, let’s see, ummmm, make Le Hammer “tres pissed off”, to say the least.  Not that he was a religious Intolerant, after all, he did let the Protestants and AnaBaptists Pray before he killed them too.

So, back to the 21st Century and the Banning of the Burka.  (France has already banned the Burkini, a full body bathing suit on beaches…after all they did create the Nude Beach at Nice!)


 So, again, why would France ban the burka?

Fashion may be France’s number one priority, but the burka and what it represents “is not welcome in France, and is an attack on French values” according to French President Nicholas Sarkozy.  That whole “French values” thing was really hard to type!

For a nation whose national emblem is “Marianne”, a bare chested woman (most recent copies are based on Catherine Denurve, but the real one came into being long before she was born), concern is growing over the head to toe garb which is usually black or brown, worn with gloves, and is more typical of Saudi Arabia than the streets of Gay Paree!


It is also viewed by millions in France and other places as the emblem of Radical Islam. 

Most of the French see it as an attack on sexual equality, women’s rights, most (again, tee hee) French values, and a jab at the French Republic’s secular foundation.

Remember, after the French Revolution, religion was taboo, marriage was a civil union, and the clergy were stripped of power and possessions. 

A huge part of me says “Go France”. 

And France really has given so many things to the world; Fashion, which we all know is tres important to UP, Fragrance, yes, I wear cologne!, Dry cleaning – who could live without it?, The Metric System, ok that’s not so great. French Fries, Brigette Bardot, and who could forget surrender?

I don’t mean to profile, but if Fatimah comes into the bank while I’m standing in line, and she’s dressed from brow to bottom in a black burka, UP is gonna’ hit the floor.  And if she’s at the airport, I’m hittin’ the Hertz Counter and driving my butt to wherever I’d planned on going.  The Burka scares me too.

So, I say let’s give this one to the French.  They may have dropped the ball on leg warmers in the 80s, but this is a good idea, and maybe they’ll ban those new Goga pants from Old Navy too!

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