As vacations go, this one had its UPs and downs.

Almost one down too many!

I had a great time, too much driving, but I did get to see everyone I wanted to…with an exception or two.

I saw Mother, all my siblings, some high school friends, and of course Peggy after 38 years.

I had lunch with one of my most faithful readers and commenters, Jana B, at KJ’s Kitchen in Downtown Germantown, Ohio.

Whoot!

And after all the Florentine frivolity in Germantown, I headed back to the mountain retreat of my brother and his wife,  a.k.a. Jenny’s parents.

The trip is longish, not bad, and the drive is pretty;  the beautiful farms of Southern Ohio, The Scioto River, The Ohio River, West Virginia, The Kanawha River, the mountains, Virginia…pretty stuff.

Crappy cell phone service, but pretty scenery.

Once I had cell service along the West Virginia Technology Corridor – and they aren’t kidding about that – I got a voice mail from my brother Charlie.  It said, “Hey, Paul, we had new gravel put down on the drive today, so when you start UP the hill, keep your momentum and don’t stop.”

First of all, it’s not a hill.  It’s a mountain, and it’s straight UP.

Secondly, I had my momentum, but the gravel at the top was just too deep, and I got stopped, I didn’t stop, the car stopped. 

So, with no where to go, I started to back down the drive.   I used my mirrors, I paid attention, I thought I was doing just fine.

I don’t back well.

Really, not well at all.

And this is where I ended UP.

I had no idea just how close I was to the side of the mountain.

It’s about a 200 foot drop, or in this case, roll, ’cause that’s about what I was going to do.

Charlie came flying over the hill and said, “Stop!”, “Don’t move!”, “Get out of the car!”

OK, I was frustrated already, and getting out of the car requires moving, so I was a tad confused!

After a quick assessment by Charlie, he camly  said, “We’re gonna’ have to get a tow truck.”

Once I looked down over the hill/mountain, I was no longer calm.

After a quick change of underwear and a call to AAA, I went inside expecting the groaning noise of a Jeep Liberty rolling down a hill any minute, much like the noise from the Speilberg movie “Duel” from the 1960s…if you haven’t seen it, rent it.

AAA asked me if my vehicle was in a safe place.

Ah, NO!

It’s amazing how fast they respond when you tell them your car is precariously perched atop a mountain road and ready to fall.

After a few questions, a few return calls to give us status, Buster and Joey showed UP from Amherst,VA…a couple of mountains or, about an hour away.

Seriously folks, it’s the hills.

The first thing Buster, pictured on our right above, said was, “I don’t know what the hell ya think I’m gonna’ be able to do, I can’t get this thing around.”

He wasn’t kidding.

After a quick assessment of the situation by Buster…

…there was much conversation between Joey and him…for a few minutes, even they were at a loss.

That’s Buster under the car, by the way.

Buster’s dissappointment at the fact that my Jeep is NOT a four wheel drive vehicle, was only surpassed by my terror when he got into it and tried to ‘drive it out”. 

Joey in the background screaming, “Stop, stop, she’s ready to fall!”  did not help AT ALL!

It was deemed, by the professionals that the only way to get my car moved was to pull it out.

But, with what?

Well, about this time, Jenny, my lovely niece of MomminitUP fame, her husband, three children, and my sister-in-law, arrived in the ‘road-test” vehicle Mitsubish had loaned them for the trip.

It, thank goodness, is an all wheel drive!

So, with Buster and Joey’s straps and chains hooked to some never-to-loan-Jenny-a-car-again dealership’s Mitsubishi, Buster at the wheel of my car, and Bobby at the wheel of his, they pulled it out, and UP the rest of the hill, who are we kidding mountain.

Oddly enough, I had no idea I was that close to the edge when backing UP.  In an instant, I could have rolled over that hill. 

Now, that’s a vacation spoiler.

But, alas, Shakespeare was right, all’s well that ends well.

Plus, Joshua had already barfed in the Mitsubishi anyway, so what’s a little towing gonna’ hurt?

…Can we go back to my vacation for a bit?

Really, I wish I could.  I talked to my boss about a week on a week off schedule. 

He didn’t buy it!  So, I guess I’ll have to tough it out.  But on the trip, along with the mountains, monument, motels, and motorcycles I saw, I saw a few bumper stickers.

I hate bumper stickers, I don’t have any, won’t have any, and really think they make a car look tacky. 

Here are a few.  (That I can actually show you!)

It’s a bit much, but at least it hides an ugly car.

That’s workin’ well!

Some people just come in dead!

I don’t!

He probably would!

Aren’t you supposed to?

Ouch!

I met them!  They’re aptly named.

Nice try, but I still think he was drunk!

At least he doesn’t hit them!

Probably my favorite!

Charlie don’t surf!

Well, it costs a lot to run a country!

Working for a living is a burden!

OK, I was in the mountains!

1-800-Safe Auto?

Like I said, it takes a lot to run the country.

So many to choose from.

And finally…

She wasn’t kidding.

Vacation’s over!

and

It’s always nice to go,  But it’s always good to get home, even though I had a wonderful time. 

I drove, as I usually do.  I like to drive.  I can stop, see more, and find new things to enjoy.

2138 miles later, the car needs another oil change, a bath, and a serious cleaning out.

Unpacking’s a chore, laundry will take all day, and it’s back to work today.

The lawn needs mowing…for some reason, the trash didn’t go out…I have nine AJC Crosswords to do …. and did I mention the laundry!

There is mail to sort, blogs to think about, blogs to read, email to answer, calls to make, bills to pay, and house plants to toss.

I’m glad to be home, have a job to return to, and people who missed me.

Some people I must acknowledge for making my trip so special:  My brother, Charlie and his wife Diane for putting me UP in the “cottage” they call Blue Ridge Blessing in VA, Mother and Daddy for welcoming me home, my Aunt Willie for not making me eat since I’d eaten before I got there, my sister, Zola for going through old pictures with me and sharing memories,  Judy and Ann for the quick break on the way, my nieces and nephews for coming to see me, and making dinner so much fun, Andrea of mommysnacks fame and her family for coming to meet me, it was nice to put a face with the name, the charming toll taker on the West Virginia Turnpike who took the $2.00 toll in pennies and dimes and ignored the line of traffic behind me while she counted it, Dale and Tiffany at Frisch’s in Chillicothe for making one of my favorite meals more special, Gayle at the Waffle House Dayton Mall (across the interstate from the new Carmax which opens June 19), and Beverly at the Waffle House in Lexington for getting my Redneck Latte Right, the countless gas station clerks who eyed me from behind glass windows while I paid at the pump, the awesome people at Marion’s Pizza by the Dayton Mall who make the best Yankee Pizza ever, AT&T and Carolyn who sold me the Wireless device that allowed me to “blog from the road”, all the people along the road who shared a smile, wave, or kind word, and who agreed to read my blog and DID, and the wonderful people at the Exxon in Buena Vista who made coffee I could stand to drink during the long morning drive to the Waffle  House in Lexington, really, 12 miles without coffee…you gotta be kiddin me!!

And of course, Dwight D. Eisenhower and the Interstate Highway Commission!

I’ll get Redneck Latte Ravings back on track with the things you are used to this week.

Thanks for reading!

It’s back to abnormal.

…Ohio isn’t famous for a whole lot, but it’s pretty, quaint, and a “great place to raise children”.

It’s the home of Emily over at MomminitUP, but it is best known for it’s Covered Bridge, the only inverted bow bridge in existance in the world, Miss USA 1981, Kim Seelebrede, the Pretzel Festival, the Germantown Dam,  three State Football Championships, beautiful Victorian Homes, the By Jo theater, Camp Miami,and a couple of nasty murders. It lies in the heart of Montgomery County, Ohio, and is considered “The Jewel of The Twin Valley”.  Twin Valley meaning Twin Creek, an off shoot of the Great Miami River which runs through nearby Dayton.

The Covered Bridge…

…has fallen in a couple of times due to idiotic drivers in delivery trucks trying to miss all the “busy in-town traffic”.   After all, there are over 4,000 people living there!  And was nearly destroyed in the 1960s.  It was restored some time about the time I was twelve.  I remember being an  historic conservationist at an early age and helped to “campaign” for it’s salvation.

Kim Seelebrede…

…left Germantown after becoming Miss Ohio and then Miss USA, and is now a Life Coach and Licensed Therapist in New York City.  She has a great website…you should check it out.

The Pretzel Festival is fairly new, they never did that when I was a kid. 

We had homecoming parades, Memorial Day and Fourth of July Parades, and Founder’s Day.  But not much else.

Speaking of Founders, Germantown was founded by Philip Gunkle back in 1804, only one  year after Ohio became a state.  Phil hailed from Germantown, PA, and brought his German work ethic, Lutheranism, and a great town plan with him…along with a large family and following.  The German names abound, and there were at one time nearly as many Zs in the phone book as Bs…all forty pages of it.

The Germantown Dam is part of the Miami Conservancy District and was built after the Great Dayton Flood happened back in the early 1900s.  I’m not so sure what was so great about it.

There is a beautiful park there, and many a church picnic,  high school party, date, and conception have taken place UP there.

The park is beautiful.

The By Jo was big doings when I was a kid, but now, not so much.  They still show movies though. 

The football Championships were back in the 1990s, and after 80 years of lethargy, Germantown became Football Crazy.  When I was in school, the football games were a social event.  We rarely won many games, and we never won the fight after!

…But we were the first class to graduate from the new High School…back in 1970!

The old Victorian Italianate Homes are stunning and well preserved.  People in Germantown for the most part take pride in what they have and what they’ve worked to accomplish.  It’s a pretty place.

Camp Miami was a military school at one time; when I was a kid, it was a Methodist Camp.  After the Baptist Church, where my dad was pastor, and the Lutheran Church, the Methodists had the biggest crowd.

And of course, there’s the Fish, er Florentine Hotel. 

Someone famous stayed there, but I never knew who!  It was too late for George Washington, though some claim it was he.

Germantown, it’s a pretty place, you should check it out! 

The murders I’ll leave alone.  I don’t like to gossip and all!