It’s been a week for it!

Now, J-Lo is all in a tizzy.

Why?  You inquire…

…well,  that pesky first husband of hers, Ojani Noa, which in some language probably means “dirtbag”, is trying to publish a “sex tape”.  Seems the waiter turned chef turned husband turned ex has some footage to sell.

The budding Cuban film maker and his “producer”, Ed Meyer were stopped in court from distributing the materia, but that’s only temporary.

J-Lo, who really is a pretty talented person in many areas, now joins the likes of Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Rob Lowe, Tonya Harding (please, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) and countless of others out there who were stupid enough to say, “sure, you can tape us doing the wild thing, as long as you promise me you won’t publish it, and I know you love me, so I trust you with all my heart, and my pea sized brain!” 

When ANYONE in a relationship, regardless of status, or the time you’ve been together, says, “Hey baby, we’re so good at the horizontal tango, we outta’ tape this.”  it’s time to dump him/her get a new chef. 

Porn is sick enough with out homemade, “just for us” tapes floating around. 

Sadly, there are some millions out there who will purchase the tape, Noa will get his 15 minutes of fame, (and I’m guessin’ the tape isn’t that long) and it and he will eventually fall from the radar screen.  Noa says there is nothing sexual, and that J Lo is trying to “keep him from success”.  Isn’t he doing a good enough job of that by himself?  After all, he had to pay HER $500,000+ for trying to publish a tell all book about their eleven month marriage. 

The guy’s a loser on his own.

But the stigma will linger, J-Lo will be sullied, and forever referred to as another sex-tape victim/star/whatever.    And that’s a sad thing.  She has it all; someone else’s husband, a great career, commercial success, artistic success, and even a clothing and perfume line.  Dont’ get me wrong, I love her music, and “Selena” was a great movie.  She’s a pretty talented gal. I’m actually a fan.  But just as John Glenn broke my heart when he became a Democrat ……….J-Lo has let me down!

So, moral of the story:  Take a page from Nancy Reagan… ”Just Say No!”.

He’s a jerk, she was foolish, and anyone who buys it is a perv!

I saw my first Christmas TV ad of the season last night on TV…(where else would I see a TV ad but on TV!). 

I’m just not ready.

Really, I’m not done with all the candy corn, no trick or treaters have pounded upon my door, and we haven’t even bought the turkey yet. 

I am not settled on my Halloween costume for school, and Bass Pro is putting up wreaths.   The Picture with Santa display is already up at Discover Mills…c’mon!

Don’t rush me.

Ashley Furniture is having a Christmas Sale…IT’S OCTOBER!

Now, I’ll admit, I’ve done some shopping.  Not much, but at least the love of my life will have a few things under the tree, even if I don’t get back to the mall.  But really folks, can’t we just enjoy one holiday at a time.

Halloween – stuff yourself with candy until you’re sick.

Thanksgiving – stuff yourself with turkey until you’re sick.

THEN Christmas.

I am always on the lookout for a bargain, and see stuff all year long that might work for Christmas…but I like to savor the holidays…ONE AT A TIME!

The minute Christmas is over Kroger sets up the Valentine’s cards and candy and reminds us that flowers are what a woman wants.

What a woman wants is a man who can cook and clean!

Once the Valentine’s conversation hearts go on sale, it’s the Peeps display…and frankly, I could eat those little suckers all year long, but why so soon?

After Easter, Fourth of July…gotta get that new grill…bar-b-que the ribs, firecrackers, patriotic table cloths and on and on and on!

We barely get over the fire we started with the sparklers and it’s time for Labor Day, when we all don’t labor…unless  your the one making the macaroni salad and chip dip and cooking the burgers and hot dogs!

Then it’s Christmas!

What happened to the Fall holidays?

Can’t we just wait…it’s not like Christmas won’t come around this year?

Red Neck Latte: 

noun –

Waffle House Coffee to go, filled to the top of the “waffle” with coffee, 10 sweet n’ lows, and filled to the top of the cup with REAL milk. (Real milk is WHOLE MILK.)

I will not pay $4.00 for a frickin’ cup of coffee.  Really, words like venti, Grande, steamed foam, mocha latte frappe, etc. did not come into the American Lexicon (unless you were in Spanish or Italian class) ‘til Starbucks came up with the (notedly brilliant) market plan to re-caffeinate Americans.  My hat’s off to them, really it is.  Frankly, I wish I’d thought of it. 

Rule of Paul Law # 1:  Don’t mess with my coffee.  Seriously folks, do NOT “EFF” with my coffee.  Coffee is coffee.  It’s not foamy, it’s not iced, it’s not steamed, foamed, whipped, or anything else.  It’s coffee.  Some purists like it black.  Some like it with sugar only, some milk or cream only, some with “fake” sugar.  Me loves me coffee.  Really, (and I’m hoping my cardiologist isn’t reading this), but me ‘hearts’ me coffee, or as I prefer to call it, my Red Neck Latte.  I know, it’s kinda like adding class to NASCAR, painting a smile on the Mona Lisa and all that, but morning isn’t morning without my Redneck Latte.  I’m hoping from now on, yours won’t be either.

So, dear reader, this blog is here for you to start your morning with a laugh and a cup o’ Joe, with or without milk, sugar, sweet n’ low, splenda, equal (just like Cher does) or yes, even iced, join me, laugh with me, or at me.  Let me know how you feel.