Archive for the ‘ Rule of Paul Law ’ Category

…I know, that’s a shocker coming from me, but it ’s true.

I’m talking about Christmas here.

When the kids were little, I always noticed a sense of overwhelming from them about an hour after all the gift giving and opening was done.

After 20 years, I finally figured it out.

It was too much.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

When it comes to Christmas, as much as I hate it, I tend to over do it.

A tad.

Now, I’m sure all my friends at Macy’s, Wal-Mart, Target, Perry Ellis, The Gap, and Old Navy would tend to disagree, but you can over do at Christmas time.

It’s easy to get there.  Ah, just one more thing for Jane, and then you have to even it up for Dick.  And then there’s poor Spot!

It tends to….I don’t know…

OH CRAP!

…explode.

A child’s Christmas list may kill a tree with paper, but in reality, they want less materially and more emotionally.

Make Christmas special, but make it realistic.

I’m not saying go cold turkey this year, but pare it down a little each year. 

Know when to say enough.

A great dinner, cookies, candies, a few presents, and you really can have a Norman Rockwell Christmas.

I HAD NO IDEA NORMAN PAINTED THIS!

After all, why shell out all that cash when most of the time they’re gonna’ wind up playing with the box?

THIS IS HOW IT WILL END UP ANYWAY

Merry Christmas!

Do You Shop Like A Man?

Christmas is a comin’ boys so you have to get out there and get that shopping done. 

AH MACY'S!

I realize, if you’re like most of us, someone else at home does the majority of the Christmas shopping.  i.e.  The Wife. 

But then, who’s gonna’ buy for her?

Ah, you are!

Women and men shop differently. 

Women have a list, on paper.

Men, a list in their head.  After all, one item isn’t that hard to remember now is it?

Women, have a budget.

Men, a credit card.

Women have a plan.

Men, they plan to go buy one gift, bring it home, have the kids wrap it, and moan about how crowded the convenience store was.

WHERE AM I

Women go to several stores, push everthing in the proper size back and rip through each item of clothing assessing it for quality, color, style, possibilty of use, and just how long it will be before it goes out of style.

SHOPPING

Men, shop at eye level.  If it’s not in front of them, it’s not a target.

And that’s what things are for men, targets.

We’re Hunting.

OFF TO THE MALL!

We stalk the shirt, we hunt the shirt, we shoot the shirt, we take the shirt home.

Once we’re at home, we gut the shirt, we hang it up to drain (remove the paper, pins, cardboard in the collar and get the wrinkles out, cause Lord knows we ain’t gonna iron it) and then we wear our trophy to work or to play or to church the next day.

Or, we place it triumphantly under the tree…which we did not decorate!

Women shop.

HECK NO, I'M NOT WAITING IN THAT LINE

Men hunt.

MEN HUNTING

It’s Christmas time, Cammo anyone?

DON'T SHOOT, IT'S SANTA!

E.coli any one?

When it comes to a few things, I’m a purist.  Real Coffee, Levi’s, 100% cotton underwear, Perry Ellis, Ford Trucks, and tap water.

YUMMY

Is bottled water really better for you?

I’ve done some research.  I learned a lot on the web…so it must be true.Bottled water is regulated by the FDA, tap water by the EPA.  Gee, I feel better already.   After all, they’re both doing such a great job.  The EPA took over the tap water part back in 1974 when the Safe Water Act came into being.   Actually, since it’s the Bigger Man On Campus, it has control of it all.   And the EPA just lets the FDA be the towel boy because he has a hot sister.

Really folks, your tax dollars at work, a Safe Water Act, why don’t we have a common sense act while were at it….waaaaaait a miiiiiiiinute…that’s not a bad idea!

Sorry, AND, back to my point.

Many times when the EPA decides on a new standard (since it’s the BMOC), the FDA, wanting to be on the homecoming court as well, adopts the very same standards or policies. (i.e. shops at Abertrampy and Skank as well.)

Bottled water “advocates” (sellers, providers, lobbyists, and manufacturers) want you, the consumer, to buy into the belief that bottled water has less lead, and is therefore better for you . Less lead?   Lead alone should be enough to scare you, and the way sales, and litter along the highway are going, it looks like America is totally on the bottled water band-wagon.

We all know that lead can leech into tap water from the lead pipes coming from the main water supply and in your own home. (Really, we all knew that?)   And really folks, this could be a problem.  However, the EPA, looking out for us, is already on to the problem, and sets a standard of 15 parts per billion, hereafter referred to as ppb, for bottled water.  The standards for tap water are at 5 ppb.   Hmmm.

Tap 1, BW 0

Many communities add flouride to their tap water, making all the Dentists smile.  Bottled water usually loses most of the flouride thorugh the distillation process or osmosis.  Some studies say that children 6-17 should not drink bottled water for the flouride reason alone.

Tap 2, BW 0

One NRDC study says “even when bottled waters are covered by the FDA’s specific bottled water standards, those rules are weaker in many way than the EPA rules that apply to big-city tap water.” 

Tap 3, BW 0

From the same report; “City tap water can have no confirmed E. coli or fecal coliform (you don’t want to know) bacteria.  FDA bottled water rules include no such prohibition, a certain amount of any type of coliform bacteria is allowed in bottled water.  (Wonder why the marketing campaign “What’s this Crap” never took off?)

Tap 4, BW 0

City tap water from surface water has to be filtered and disinfected (what do they do wash it?).  Bottled, no.

Tap 5, BW 0

MOST cities which use surface water are required to test for Cryptosporidium or Giardia, which are two of the most common water pathogens and can cause diarrhea and other intestinal problems.  Bottled water, ah no!

Tap 6, BW 0

Tap water has to meet standards for “certain” important TOXIC or cancer-casuing chemicals, like phtalate, which BTW, can leech from plastic.  The bottled water lobbyists convinced the FDA to exempt bottled water from these regulations on these chemicals…wait a minute…dang, this Dasani bottle’s plastic…how did I miss that?

Tap 7, BW 0

And your city water supplier (which I’m guessin’ is your city) must issue an annual “right to know” report which tells you the consumer what is in the water.  Bottler lobbyists, killed the right to know bill on bottled water.

Tap 8, BW 0

What to do, what to do?  Pardon me while I mull this over, I’m going to go wash this bottle out.

So, the next time you see me at the gym with my 30 year old thermos of tap water, don’t judge me, it’s not because I’m not hip!

Oh, BTW, Evian is naive spelled backwards!

PS…here’s a tip from yahoo…see where your city fits in.  Cities with the worst water.

Can I Get A Filter?

Ever just say something and think…”Oh my cow! Please don’t hear that!”?

Well, I do.

Sometimes I hear it coming out of my mouth and wonder, “What the heck happened to my filter?”

KEEP IT CLEAN!

There are many folks out there who have landed somewhere on the Autism Spectrum, and really can’t help the fact that they don’t have a filter.  But the rest of us, well, we have no excuse.

Often times when blogging, I’ll find mysefl retyping over and over because…I just need to filter it.  (And sometimes because it just sucks is bad!)

It’s cathartic and theraputic to get things out, but we all have to be careful.  Rude is still rude.  Right is still right, and wrong is still wrong.

Some rules for filtering:

If you can’t say it to your Mother, filter it.

If your Mother would have said it, and you still feel you couldn’t say it, well, you may need to have a talk with Mom!  Ask her to put the Bud Lite down first!

If you KNOW in advance it will injure someone’s psyche permanently, filter it.

If it will change the world in a bad way, filter it.

If you know it’s mean before it comes out, filter it.

If you’d get mad if someone said it to you, filter it.

If you’d rather be right than happy, filter it.

Often times we find ourselves having to have the last word, just to have the last word.  Not a good plan.  Those times and “casual conversation” are when filtering comes into play. 

Watch IT!

We filter our air, water, fish tank, dryer lint, auto oil, range exhaust fan, and coffee maker…can I just get a filter for my mouth?