I spent most of Thursday night in the ER.

I’d just like to say, NBC is a big fat liar!

So is ABC, Grey’s Anatomy – not even close.

Just a few observations and suggestions, if you have a minute.

First of all, no one looked like McDreamy, McSteamy, or Katherine Heigel.

A few looked like Jack Black, and one looked like Disco Stu from the Simpsons, but most, McCreepy.

And that was just the Doctors!

The patients and visitors…well, don’t ask.

So, before you go, try to remember these things.

Is it really necessary for the entire family, down to 3rd cousins once removed to be there?  Grandma/Great Aunt Bertha really doesn’t need you.  And if you don’t have  medical degree, why are you there?  And too boot, it’s the 21st Century, can you say CELL Phone?

And, is it really necessary to hop your children UP on Mountain Dew and Snickers Bars before you leave the house…you know, just after getting the call that the aforementioned relative is in the ER with chest pains, brain spasms, ingrown toenails.

Honestly!

Now, as to the youngins; live tree or fake one, they are not supposed to pull the leaves off and throw them at each other.  And they are especially not allowed to throw them at me once they tire of making their little sister cry.

The water and soft drinnks they bring around, you know, the Candy Stripers, they’re for the patients, not you.  There’s a Coke Machine down the hall.  This is Georgia, three things you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting are, a Baptist Church, a Waffle House, and a Coke Machine.  (Of course the Pepsi machine is buried in the third underground level of the parking garage, so don’t even look…some people have gone a lookin’ and never returned!)

And as to proper attire:  Seriously, terry cloth shorts were made for the beach, and for people who are no more than a size 2.  I’m sure you were in a hurry, but it’s February afterall, and not to get all Fashion Friday, but “Should you be wearin’ that?”

Let’s talk footwear for a second.  Pink Bunny Slippers were only funny in “Torch Song Trilogy” and on “Malcolm In The Middle”, put on your Nike’s before you dash to the car. 

Not to be picky, but there are two areas.  Each is clearly marked.  One says WELL WAITING, and one says SICK WAITING.  A little clue, if you’re WELL, sit under the word that matches your condition.  Do not sit by me and cough UP a lung!

Oh yes, one more thing!  They are really serious about the NO SMOKING sign in the parking lot.  It’s a hospital after all.

 We all have them, and we all do it, and we probably shouldn’t, but it’s human nature.

Looking up to some one else.

Guidance, style, attitude, work ethic, we get those from people we respect, and sometimes, as it should be, people we love.

My Dad and my brother, Charlie are two of my heroes.

Neither has let me down.

But, we have others out there.

National Heroes, personal heroes, people we admire and respect.

They’re all human, every man has the capability to falter, fall, and fail.

We can’t let it get to us.

And we can’t pick the wrong heroes.

I admired Jonnny Bench, I respected Pete Rose (and I still think he belongs in the Hall of Fame – so Selig, get over it!), but they both let me down.

Johnny said, “I want a whore in the bedroom and a maid in the kitchen.” Great take on what he wanted for a wife!

Pete, well, we all know what Pete did.

There are others.

We’re supposed to respect the person in the White House, the Mayor, the Principal, the Pastor.

But, again, they are all human.

They all CAN fail, even if they never do, or never get caught.

Charles Lindbergh, the first man to make a TransAtlantic flight, testified before the US Congress and recommended that the United State netotiate a neutrality pact with Hitler!

Thomas Jefferson, or his offspring (no one knows for sure) may have fathered a child or children by a slave.

Henry Ford gave us the assembly line, got America moving, and created an industry.  But he was a rabid Anti-Semite who funded horrific publications.

Ben Franklin never married his life long companion, and had a son with her.

Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Swaggart, Richard Nixon.

Naughty, naughty, naughty!

and on and on and on.

The question arises, “Are we picking the right people?”

Probably not.

John Glenn was my hero when I was a child.  I was crazy for the space program, and still feel that it is the second most important “thing” of the 20th century.  (The Interstate Highway System is the first.)

But John Glenn got into politics. compromised, made deals, and I was dissappointed.

It wasn’t John Glenn’s fault, it was mine.

Look close by for your heroes, and never put too much faith in a man.

January is bad enough.

I really don’t need a bunch of amateurs crowding UP the gym.

Really, I hate January at the Gym.

I still go, because I want to, and because I have to.

But, it’s just such a hassle.

At least until about Valentine’s Day when all the New Years Resolutions wear off.

Now, seriously, I applaud anyone who makes a NYR and sticks to it, but generally, when it comes to “fitness” at least, they are…

…broken.

And not a moment too soon for me.

I have a routine, I’m a creature of habit, I’m probably a little somewhat a tad totally OCD.

On the days I don’t work in the AM…

I get UP,

get dressed,

hit the Waffle House for a Red Neck Latte

go to the mall and walk three miles

and go to the gym.

Now that it’s January, the place is full of Weebles Wobbling from Weight Machine to Weight Machine Working off Weight they should  have worried about weeks ago.

I don’t mean to be insensitive  – but c’mon folks, start earlier, stick with it, or stay out!

Some tips for the new “Gym Rat”

• Month to month.   Eschew the contract.
• Personal Trainer…why hurt yourself, when once a week for a month will teach you more in form and effort than you can ever learn on your own.
• Watch people whom you would like to look like and STEAL TRAINING…copy their moves, use lighter weight, but use thier form.
• Change your diet.  You can’t work UP an appetite on the elipical and then limp to Dunkin Donuts or the Waffle House and have an All Star Breakfast, all the way.  It’s diet AND exercise.
• Start slow, start light.  You can’t bulk UP, tone UP or loose all that weight in a week.  You didn’t wake UP one day 4o pounds heavier, and your not gonna’ wake UP tomorrow 40 pounds lighter…unless you lose a leg!
• And most importantly, stay OUT OF MY WAY!
• oh, and good luck!

I work out in the AM around 8, or in the afternoon around 3, Please stay away at those time.  I’m not always the chaming, kind, non-judgmental  UP you’ve come to know and love, I can be…..unpleasant.

Baby it’s cold out side…isn’t just a great song!  It’s true this time of year.

Unusually so for Georgia!

Coats, scarves, gloves, long johns…just not workin’.’

And according to some sources, neither is that fireplace.

Well, it might be working for a romantic evening, or a night of fun with the kids, but keeping the house warrm,

not so much!

A roaring fireplace brings memories of home to some, makes our Christmas Cards prettier, and temporarily warms our hands after we come in from the cold.

But it just ain’t gettin’ it when it comes to heatin’ the place UP.

Fire is mankind’s oldest form of heat, at least that we know of.

We don’t know who discovered it, but if it were someone today, he’d be living in Beverly Hills along with movie stars and swimmin’ pools!

He’d make a fortune.

Greek mythology would have us believe that Premetheus gave fire to man.

Poor Prometheus, he was punished dearly for his deeds.

A little history here…Zeus, the head honcho of the Greek Pantheon sent most of the Titans to Hades.

He was pissed because they had rebelled against him and fought him in The Titanomanchy, or the war between the gods and the Titans. 

The Titans were not the football team from the movie, but a group of 12 super gods who ruled the world.

Well, Prometheus did not side with the Titans, and when Zeus won out, Prometheus was spared from the Hades vacation the rest of the boys got.

Zeus gave Prometheus the task of forming man from water and some other stuff.  (Sugar, spice, and everything nice for the gals, and snakes and snails and puppy dog tails for the boys.)

Promo got a little too fond of the human race.

Zeus wanted man to have little power, and was especially concerned about man having power over fire.  Prometheus, as his man love grew, decided to teach mankind how to start and use fire.

Zeus, again, pisssed.

So as a punishment, he chained Prometheus to the side of a mountain where a raven came every day and ate his liver.

The liver grew back every night, and the raven came back again.

Zeus, nice guy.

No matter where it came from, man for thousands of years has used fire to cook, to punish, to purge, and to heat.

But fire, especially fireplaces just aren’t all that efficient.

An EPA study (and you know how much I love the EPA!) tells us that fireplace efficency is about 7%.

Most of the heat escapes of the chimney, and for every one hundred dollars you spend on firewood, you get $20.oo worth of heat.

Oh my cow!

Of course the EPA is also concerened about the air pollution caused by fireplaces, both inside and outside your home.   I checked with Al Gore, so I know it’s true.

And they are messy.

Very messy.

And some say dangerous.

There are hundreds of fire place disasters each year.

Some even resulting in pregnancy.

Now, it is possible to heat a home with wood fires.  Just not the old fashioned way.

There are modern, EPA certified wood stoves out there, a new trend is pellet stoves, which are efficient and affordable. 

Gas fireplaces are more efficient too.  But in my mind terribly expensive.  We have gas logs, and frankly, due to the cost I’ve not turned them on in years.

So, if you are using a fireplace to heat the house, be careful.

I like having you around.   Gotta keep the readership UP and all.

Stay warm, cuddle UP!