Take it from someone who knows.  Bullies are a pain in the butt.

I was a small child, wore todler clothes to the first grade, and I weighed in at 37 pounds, I was six years old.

A walking target.

Well, researchers have found that kids who get bullied and snubbed by peers are probably gonna’ have problems in other parts of their lives as well.

No kiddin?

Supposedly, there are at least three factors in a child’s behavior that can lead to social rejection.  (Social rejection, now isn’t that a pretty phrase for bullied?)

The causes are, according to researchers:

1. Reading nonverbal cues.
2. Understanding their social meaning
3. Thinking of options to resolve social conflicts.

Those who are supposed to know say that 10 to 13 percent of children “experience some sort of social rejection”.   I’m not so sure where they got these numbers, but I’m guessin’ it’s a tad higher.  Everyone is rejected socially at one point or another.  But, not everyone is bullied.

They also tell us in this report that being bullied can result in mental health problems, can increase the polibility that a child will get poor grades, drop out of school, or develop substance abuse problems.   Clark McKown of the Rush Neurobehavioral Center in Chicago says, “It really is an under-addressed public health issue.”

Another ‘expert’ says what a kid learns on the playground could show up in later life.  He claims that when children interact without the guidance of an authority figure,  is when children experiment with the relationship styles they will have as adults.

Ok, who’s leaving their kids alone?  I’m sorry, I can’t even fake surprise on that one.

It all stems from the fact that the number one need of any person is to be liked by other people.  Well duh!

We all want to be liked, but we’re not all gonna’ like everybody. 

After a boat load of studies, and a truck load of money, they claim to have found a few things.

1. Kids don’t see clues.
2. Kids don’t understand clues.
3. Kids don’t know how to react to clues.

They even have a book now that they are recommending.  “It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success” (Touchstone, 2006).  I’m sure it’s just an awesome read!  And they claim it works for kids who don’t have disabilites as well. 

These experts have a “process”, and it’s all geared to the bullied, not the bully.

To teach social skills, Lavoie advises a five-step approach in his book.  He claims the process works for children with or without learning disabilities and is best conducted immediately after a transgression has been made.  (Transgression being made by the bullied!!!!)

1) Ask the child what happened and listen without judgment.

2) Ask the child to identify their mistake. (Often children only know that someone got upset, but don’t understand their own role in the outcome.)

3) Help the child identify the cue they missed or mistake they made, by asking something like: “How would you feel if Emma was hogging the tire swing?” Instead of lecturing with the word “should,” offer options the child “could” have taken in the moment, such as: “You could have asked Emma to join you or told her you would give her the swing after your turn.”

4) Create an imaginary but similar scenario where the child can make the right choice. For example, you could say, “If you were playing with a shovel in the sand box and Aiden wanted to use it, what would you do?”

5) Lastly, give the child “social homework” by asking him to practice this new skill, saying: “Now that you know the importance of sharing, I want to hear about something you share tomorrow.”

I for one, think this is a bunch of crap. 

The only thing they got right is listen to the child without judgement.  Now, there’s a parenting tip I can live with.

As to asking the child to identify their mistake: being smaller, stranger, or just different isn’t a mistake.  Ask the bully why he’s a jerk.

I don’t think the kid missed anything other than the opportunity to get the heck out of there before “Felon of the Future” jumped him.  And maybe Emma’s just a big, mean, hateful, future skank!  And maybe he’s just a little wuss!

I think kids have enough imaginary scenarios as it is.  Are mommy and daddy gonna stay together;  am I gonna’ get to the bus without gettin’ my ass kicked?; is the sadistic gym teacher gonna’ make me stand out front in dodge ball?  (OK, I’m not over a few things.)

Social homework? You can’t get most kids to do the homework from school.   Teach the kid to fight, tell him to kick the bully’s ass or die tryin’!

Other kids not liking a child is not the end of the world. Surprising as it is, there are people out there who don’t like me!   But it has nothing to do with bullying.   The kid may have gotten a swirlie because the bigger boys didn’t like him, or as I said before, he may just be a big wuss.  But that doesn’t make it his fault.  The bigger boys are at fault here. 

Apparently that “do unto others” crap was lost in translation.

Maybe I was a little dweeb and pantywaist, but that sure as heck didn’t make it right for El Kabong (a girl in the 3rd grade) to kick my ass everyday on the playground.  Thank God that tramp moved that summer!

And maybe Courtney has blue hair, wears fishnet stockings, and anarchy gloves, but I don’t remember a law being passed saying we should fail her, rail at her, or flog her.

Bullies are bullies.  Bullies need to be stopped. 

Just because the kid next to you in class is weird or just because you can, doesn’t mean you should take his lunch money. 

Sadly, there are bullies in all walks of life.  Middle School, High School, College and the workplace are all just extensions of Elementary School.  Generally, once a bully, always a bully.  And conversely, one would think once bullied, always bullied. 

Ah, not so.

There’s a way out.

So, to everyone of you who’s been beat UP, stuffed in a locker, dragged into the girls room, had toothpaste put in your hair at camp while sleeping, or had someone take your dessert at lunch, I say this:

Shut UP, Stand UP, get mad as hell and don’t take it anymore.

I hate texting.

I do it, but I hate it.

And yes, I text when I drive.

When it becomes illegal, I’ll quit…maybe.

But I hate it. 

I love the sound of my children’s voices, and would rather they call.

But, in this “modern” age, texting is the way.  It’s easy to do when ur n class + all.

So, I txt, jst lk evry 1 els.

BTW, I wish they wld cl me.

I find it amazing that people will send you a quick text rather than call.

I think it’s usually because they have something they want to say that doesn’t require the pleasantries and obligations of a conversation.

Texting is destroying the English Language too.

In class the other day, we were  peer editing.  That’s when one kid writes something and another one checks it for mistakes.  You know, trading papers.

One student changed you’re which was incorrect because the writer should have used your, to ur.

Really, ur.  I’m not making this UP.

But back to the phone. 

Pick it UP.

Call me back.

I’d rather hear your voice!

I spent most of Thursday night in the ER.

I’d just like to say, NBC is a big fat liar!

So is ABC, Grey’s Anatomy – not even close.

Just a few observations and suggestions, if you have a minute.

First of all, no one looked like McDreamy, McSteamy, or Katherine Heigel.

A few looked like Jack Black, and one looked like Disco Stu from the Simpsons, but most, McCreepy.

And that was just the Doctors!

The patients and visitors…well, don’t ask.

So, before you go, try to remember these things.

Is it really necessary for the entire family, down to 3rd cousins once removed to be there?  Grandma/Great Aunt Bertha really doesn’t need you.  And if you don’t have  medical degree, why are you there?  And too boot, it’s the 21st Century, can you say CELL Phone?

And, is it really necessary to hop your children UP on Mountain Dew and Snickers Bars before you leave the house…you know, just after getting the call that the aforementioned relative is in the ER with chest pains, brain spasms, ingrown toenails.

Honestly!

Now, as to the youngins; live tree or fake one, they are not supposed to pull the leaves off and throw them at each other.  And they are especially not allowed to throw them at me once they tire of making their little sister cry.

The water and soft drinnks they bring around, you know, the Candy Stripers, they’re for the patients, not you.  There’s a Coke Machine down the hall.  This is Georgia, three things you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting are, a Baptist Church, a Waffle House, and a Coke Machine.  (Of course the Pepsi machine is buried in the third underground level of the parking garage, so don’t even look…some people have gone a lookin’ and never returned!)

And as to proper attire:  Seriously, terry cloth shorts were made for the beach, and for people who are no more than a size 2.  I’m sure you were in a hurry, but it’s February afterall, and not to get all Fashion Friday, but “Should you be wearin’ that?”

Let’s talk footwear for a second.  Pink Bunny Slippers were only funny in “Torch Song Trilogy” and on “Malcolm In The Middle”, put on your Nike’s before you dash to the car. 

Not to be picky, but there are two areas.  Each is clearly marked.  One says WELL WAITING, and one says SICK WAITING.  A little clue, if you’re WELL, sit under the word that matches your condition.  Do not sit by me and cough UP a lung!

Oh yes, one more thing!  They are really serious about the NO SMOKING sign in the parking lot.  It’s a hospital after all.

 We all have them, and we all do it, and we probably shouldn’t, but it’s human nature.

Looking up to some one else.

Guidance, style, attitude, work ethic, we get those from people we respect, and sometimes, as it should be, people we love.

My Dad and my brother, Charlie are two of my heroes.

Neither has let me down.

But, we have others out there.

National Heroes, personal heroes, people we admire and respect.

They’re all human, every man has the capability to falter, fall, and fail.

We can’t let it get to us.

And we can’t pick the wrong heroes.

I admired Jonnny Bench, I respected Pete Rose (and I still think he belongs in the Hall of Fame – so Selig, get over it!), but they both let me down.

Johnny said, “I want a whore in the bedroom and a maid in the kitchen.” Great take on what he wanted for a wife!

Pete, well, we all know what Pete did.

There are others.

We’re supposed to respect the person in the White House, the Mayor, the Principal, the Pastor.

But, again, they are all human.

They all CAN fail, even if they never do, or never get caught.

Charles Lindbergh, the first man to make a TransAtlantic flight, testified before the US Congress and recommended that the United State netotiate a neutrality pact with Hitler!

Thomas Jefferson, or his offspring (no one knows for sure) may have fathered a child or children by a slave.

Henry Ford gave us the assembly line, got America moving, and created an industry.  But he was a rabid Anti-Semite who funded horrific publications.

Ben Franklin never married his life long companion, and had a son with her.

Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Swaggart, Richard Nixon.

Naughty, naughty, naughty!

and on and on and on.

The question arises, “Are we picking the right people?”

Probably not.

John Glenn was my hero when I was a child.  I was crazy for the space program, and still feel that it is the second most important “thing” of the 20th century.  (The Interstate Highway System is the first.)

But John Glenn got into politics. compromised, made deals, and I was dissappointed.

It wasn’t John Glenn’s fault, it was mine.

Look close by for your heroes, and never put too much faith in a man.