And don’t let the bed-bugs bite!

That saying comes from the 1700s, when mattresses were made of straw and other “natural” fibers and were held in place on cords or ropes stretched across a bedframe and pulled tight.

I learned this at the Stonewall Jackson House in Lexington, VA on a tour years ago.

With box springs, platforms, and water-beds, sleeping tight isn’t a problem.

But bed bugs are.

Especially in Ohio.

And this, just before I leave for my 40th High School Reunion.  Go Spartans!

We never heard of anyone having bed bugs when we were kids, but now, the problem is a pretty big deal.

No one can figure out why Ohio is such a hot bed of Cimex lectularius, but the problem is so bad in Cincinnati that people have taken to sleeping in the streets!

Cincinnati actually created a Bedbug Remediation Commission in 2007.  Many other local and national governments around the world have as well.  But, the city is trying to mobilize strategies to control infestations of the pesky insects, which can hide in almost any crack or crevice (Oh My Cow) and can go a year or more without eating.

All the sudden I’m jealous of them!

The Ohio Department of Agriculture has mounted an unusual and politically incorrect response to the crisis.  The Buckeye State petitioned the EPA for an exemption to allow in-home use of propoxur, a pesticide and neurotoxin banned in the 1990s out of concern for its effects on children.

The little buggers feed on human blood.  Spray me NOW!

Of course the EPA said no, but a pow-wow is planned with the CDC, EPA and DOD.  Seriously, The Department of Defense! 

“We are hopeful that the outcome of this meeting provides a solution,” says Ohio agriculture secretary Robert Boggs. “Quite frankly, something needs to happen, and it needs to happen quickly.”

No kidding, Bob?

And don’t think about dragging out your hidden stash of DDT.  The little critters developed a resistance to it 30 or 40 years ago.  And if propoxur is used, they’ll learn to live with that too.

And we thought the cockroach would out last us!

They don’t transmit disease according to all the experts, (Note to US:  get new experts), but they can be harmful to the mental health of humans. 

Again, no kidding, Bob.

Of course the ever helpful EPA has come UP with some handy-dandy advice.  They recommend reducing clutter, sealing cracks and crevices, vacuuming often, drying infested clothes at high heat and using a special mattress cover.  Travelers should inspect hotel mattresses, box springs and headboards for the pests and things like streaks of their droppings. 

Or, buy a camper!

Dini Miller, an entomologist at Virginia Tech and the state’s urban-pest-management specialist says, “We are looking at what we did a hundred years ago.  We need to develop an individual consciousness, like we had then. You should think twice about leaving your purse on a seat in the movie theater and storing your kids’ college furniture in the basement when they come home. We need to be conscious that anybody from a group-living situation may come back with bedbugs.”  Here’s a thought, new mattress, new sheets, new family!  And hey, what about bathing?

I guess I’ll be sleeping in the car while I’m in Ohio!  Oh, what the heck, I’m itching already!

Having grown UP in the dark ages, when we all ate dinner together at the same time at the same table in a room without a television, I’m sure I’m often considered a dinosaur.

But, alas, I often long for the days of yore when we all sat down to dinner, had a conversation, talked about our day, and Daddy read the Bible after we ate.

Things just aren’t that way any longer.

Simply because times change and the acceptance of bad-ish behavior increases, wrong doesn’t stop being wrong, and proper doesn’t stop being proper.

I’m not saying to use the right fork for the salad, and quite frankly, using one fork for salad and dinner does not bother me at all.

But there are some things that do.

Harking back to the dark ages of my youth, hats came off the heads of men the second they crossed the threshold.  Not so any more.  Men rarely remove their ball caps to eat in public, and it isn’t just at the Waffle House, it’s everywhere.

Here are some tips that will make MY dining experience more pleasant in the event you have the good fortune to dine with me or in the same restaurant.

• Don’t blow on your food, let it cool on it’s own.
• Never, never, never, never, never talk with your mouth full.
• Please don’t point at me with your knife.
• Don’t polish your teeth after dinner with a napkin, it’s to protect your jeans, and wipe that bar-b-que sauce from the corners of your mouth.
• Break your bread, don’t cut it, unless it’s toast…that’s OK according to Miss Manners.  And don’t slather butter on an entire piece of bread, butter each piece as you eat it.
• If you’re dining at someone’s home, don’t salt your food until you’ve tasted it.  A. It’s insulting to the cook, and B. they may like more salt than you do, and you don’t want to over do it.
• Don’t get drunk, it’s just tacky.
• Don’t spit food out into your napkin or onto your plate.  Miss Manners says to “remove it with what ever you used to put it in your mouth”.   If it’s finger food, take it out with your fingers.  And be careful with that fork!

Oh, yes, take your hat off!

I’m sure they won’t publish it, and I know it means little to anyone outside my Bronco Arena of friends, but since I have this platform, here goes.

Editor, The Gwinnett Daily Post

Lawrenceville, GA

Dear Douchebag Editor:

The headline “Family Arrested On Drug Charges” really caught my eye.   I am sure it was a realtively accurate story, of course showing the mugshots of the 17 and 19 old off-spring was a little tacky, but hey, as reported in your paper, they’ve been arrested, so who cares?  They’re probably guilty anyway. 

Yes, allegedly they had pot, yes they’ve allegedly been selling drugs for years, and yes, allegedly an anonymous tip got the Police to raid the home, and yes they allegedly found evidence of drug sales and drug paraphernalia.  But is the name of their high school all that important?

You mentioned that the young woman and the young man were students at Brookwood High School.  What is it with you and Brookwood?  No matter what happens, if it’s a Brookwood student, you mention it.  There are 20 other High Schools in Gwinnett County, and in 12 years, I’ve seen one other school, one other time mentioned in a negative news story.  That was Collins Hill, and we all know why you did that!

Let a BHS kid get locked UP, and bammo!  He’s a Brookwood Bronco – you must mention it.

And Oh My Cow – if he’s a Brookwood Bronco Football player, holy chautauqua, there’s at least another paragraph maligning the entire team all the coaches and the water-boy who are all surely guilty by association.  And if it’s a Cheerleader – holy cow!

What’s UP with that?

Your kids go to Parkview?

Seriously, it seems that the School must be responsible for the actions of the kid.  Not so.  There are over 20,000 graduates of BHS, and most of them are doing just fine, staying out of jail, working, raising families, paying taxes and buying your shoddy, pathetic, ink-bleeding rag.   

Some of them are stars; Jason Elam (who holds the record for the longest field goal in NFL history), Amy Robach of Televeison News , Jason Bulger, Jennifer Ferrin (soap opera star), Stephon Heyer, Michael Kelly,  Jackson (Amy) Pearce, Amanda Weir, Rennie Curran (UGA and Tennessee Titans), and Mansfield Wrotto to name a few!

Did I mention my kids went there, and I worked there?  Well, they did and I did, and we’re pretty proud of it!

So, the next time someone from BHS is cuffed, leave that part alone.  It’s hardly fair to paint the entire student body, staff, and faculty with the same brush!

Oh, BTW, do something about that ink problem – geez!

Was it only 15 minutes of fame ago that Levi Johnston was out trashing the Palin’s right and left?

Seems like it.

Well, in order to extend his fifteen minutes, since the Playgirl photo shoot didn’t do it, Levi has retracted some of his earlier statements.

Imagine a teenager lying to get attention.

Seems he said things like the Todd and Sarah were headed for a D-I-V-O-R-C-E,  and that SP used the “R” word when referring to the newest Palin who has Down syndrome.

He told People Magazine that he was “just angry” over his break-UP with Bristol, and “may have fibbed a little”.

He has asked the Palins to accept his regrets and forgive his “youthful indiscretion”. 

Frankly, I’m surprised he knows what a youthful indiscretion is, though I’m sure he’s made a few!

What amazes me about this is how ready the American public was to believe this 19 year old, irresponsible kid. 

I don’t think it was just Palin bashing, though many find that a fulfilling past-time.  It seems to me that everyone bought into his “incomplete truths” (aka LIES) a little too quickly.

He’s working on his self-image of course, the stupid “Ricky Hollywood” stage name was a disaster, the Playboy shoot was “disappointing” – you’ll just have to google it, I can’t go there! – , and the boy needs a career!  He’s supposedly back with Bristol, and really, who wants an alread pissed-off Mother-in-law? 

So, the boy is eating crow.  Which I’m guessing Sarah shot from a helicopter with an automatic weapon!

Frankly, he either has the worst handlers on the planet or he’s got the IQ of lint!   He has his OWN NAME tattooed on his arm!  How stupid is he?

He may have already won the heart and hand of Bristol.  She chimed in on the People interview with a parenting comment:  “Part of co-parenting is creating healthy and honest relationships between the parents.  Tripp one day needs to know the truth and needs to know that even if a mistake is made the honorable thing to do is to own up to it.”  You know, that good daddy example stuff.  

He may even regain the trust of Todd and Sarah, because they need to at least look like they are making nice!

The real winner in this is Sarah Pailn herself.

Why?  Something tells me her political aspirations aren’t over, and it’s not just about the speaking engagement cash coming in.  The girl still wants to win. 

Catty remarks and gossip from the son-in-law boyfriend baby daddy just won’t do!