But, headlines galore, a math teacher at Beaver Ruin Elementary School, which is across the street from ‘that place where I work’, has been front page news for several days here.

Doing what the school board has encouraged them to do, a teacher gave a math test which combined a social studies lesson with math.

The result was a brouhaha that enraged parents, prompted protests, calls to the Principal, school board, and picketing.

Really getting to work was a bee-atch, and well, in the end, it’s all about me.

After teaching the kids about slavery – which, I might add was a reality – and following direction of integrating (no pun intended) courses, a teacher created a math test with questions such as those pictured below.

Parents were outraged.

Furious, UP in arms, on the phone, in the faces of everyone who would listen.

The social studies lesson was about Frederick Douglas, a former slave, who was beaten, and if not cotton, I’m sure picked something.

Slavery was and remains a horrid thing.  It should be taught as a lesson of what not to do, and the teachers (there were four who used the test) were doing their job by combining lessons as directed, and reinforcing both math and social studies.

Now, one of them as resigned.  Luis Rivera, left his/her (I’m not sure as to the gender of the teacher) job on January 18 amid a personnel investigation.

I would venture to guess, and this is merely an educated guess, that Rivera had a choice, resign or get fired and lose his/her teaching credentials.  It’s happened before.  Teachers rarely get fired, they chose to resign.

The other three are still under investigation, and we…shall see.

The school board is using the old saw that the test “failed to undergo a content review”,  I say, caca del toro.  Tests are made UP every day and very few of them are reviewed.

Frankly, I have in the past made UP test on the fly, asking the questions as I went.  There was no review.

In an elementary school where 88% of the students are either Black or Hispanic – which leads us to the conclusion that fewer than 12% are Caucasian, allowing for Asians, of which in that area there are many, it isn’t the usual Black/White discrimination story.

More than 50% of the faculty and staff at the school is ‘non-White’ as well.

This isn’t a race thing.

It is just an ill-advised plan being implemented in an ill-thought out way, by dedicated teachers who were trying to balance all the balls and dance as fast as they can at the same time.  It was bad judgement, not maliciousness, as some parents would have us believe.  One angry couple, featured in the AJC, were scowling in the picture while their happy, smiling child showed them the paper.

I’ll admit, beating and picking cotton aren’t pretty things, and better examples could have been used, but they happened.

Get the hell over it!

Slavery existed, math haunts us today, and kids need to learn both.  So, if you want an integrated curriculum, plan it better or live with what you get.

Ah, Christmas morning at the Waffle House can be entertaining.

Who am I kidding, The Waffle House can be entertaining any time.

Christmas Day is the busiest day of the year for Waffle House.  This Christmas morning, as usual, while every one at home was still abed, I slipped out, went for my walk, and hit the WH for my usual breakfast of one and and one piece of toast, and did the crossword.

I wasn’t alone.

There was a Christmas family gift exchange going on.

An entire family was there, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, the kids, the sons-in-law, and all the grandbabies.  They were exchanging GAG gifts.  Yucking it UP, taking pictures, taking UP four booths, having a Big Ass White Trash Family Christmas right there in the Waffle House.  It was heavy on the gag, BTW.  All the Alabama fans got LSU crap.  A couple of Justin Bieber CDs were involved, reindeer antlers for the car, and more, much, much more.

Self-made sleeveless Ts were the uniform de jour.  It was all I could do to tell them they could buy them that way.  I mean, really you don’t have to cut the sleeves off any longer!!

And they were noisy.

I could hardly think to do the crossword.

And the “waitri” (that’s the plural of waitress, I looked made it UP.) wouldn’t let me take pictures!!

Well, there is a tree there.  And apparently, the trailer was too small.  And they did tip.

Take for instance Valeska Paris, the woman who was held hostage on the Scientology Cruise Ship “Freewinds” for 12 years.  She was able to leave the boat only with an escort; why in the name of Priscilla Presley, did she not run like the wind the minute she was on shore, screaming and yelling for help?

Stupid!

Or, what about Jesse Demmick of Denver who is serving 11 years for kidnapping a couple?  He is suing them because they broke their promise not to rat him out to the police in exchange for payment of cash.  Since the couple did tell the police everything, and he was running from the law because he was a suspect in a beating death, I find it rather tacky at best that he’s taking our time and tax-payer money to sue the couple for $235,000 to help pay for the hospital bills that came due when the cops shot his sorry ass, and of course to pay for cigarettes while in lock UP!

Not that the couple is all that bright either.  They SUED him for the $75,000 he promised them if they’d keep their traps shut about his wherabouts.  Their lawsuit claims emotional distress, which I’m sure they had, but you can’t get blood from a turnip, and this guy is obviously a turnip!

Moving on.

Former Sheriff of the Year, Patrick J. Sullivan, Jr. is going to jail.  His jail, literally his jail.  It was named after him.  This dumbass was arrested on suspicion of trafficking in meth-amphetamines.  Sullivan retired from the Araphoe County Sheriff’s job about nine years ago, and has been a SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER for Cherry Creek Schools, serving as the DIRECTOR of the department!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets better.  In 1995 President Bill Clinton named Sullivan to the National Commission on Crime Prevention and Control.   He was also a consultant to U.S. House Subcommittee on Crime, and served on two advisory councils affiliated with the Department of Justice.

Nice, really nice!

Then, Texas Gov. and Republican Nominee-wannabe, Rick Perry couldn’t remember the voting age in the country where he wants to be President!

And while we’re being political, Michelle Bachman comes to mind with her defense and praise of the United Kingdom’s withdrawal of all UK nationals after students stormed the UK Embassy in Tehran.  She said, “That’s exactly what I would do [if I were  president]. We wouldn’t have an embassy in Iran. I wouldn’t allow that to be there.”  Guess what, Michelle, we haven’t had an embassy in Iran since JIMMY CARTER WAS PRESIDENT!  Read a freakin’ news paper once in a while.

And, last but not least, Coach Boeheim of Syracuse was joking at a press conference called to discuss the child-sex scandal at the University!

“This is the first time I’ve been in the press room where there’s more people here than at the game. Is there something special going on tonight?”, just isn’t funny at a time like this, and Boeheim’s usual cynical sarcastic and funny wisenheimerisms just weren’t working.  (Not to mention that his statement was a grammatically incorrect…”there’s”?)

Heck, even I know when to shut UP.

Frankly, I’m just tired of stupid people!

Things are about to change in Merrie Olde England.

There is much hoopla about the impending change to the royal succession rule.

For centuries, literally, centuries, the first born son of the reigning monarch gains the throne UPon the death of the ruler, even if he/she had a daughter first.

Now, that’s changing, and so is the “No Catholic Spouse” rule.

The religion piece is actually a bigger deal than the gender bender, but alas, sexism is better press.

Primogenitor, the law where the number one son gets it all has been in force in the British Empire for centuries.  It really doesn’t matter if the eldest son is an idiot, pervert, or criminal, heck, it doesn’t matter if he’s all three, he gets the throne.  Many a better man and woman have failed to rule because of this law. All that’s probably going to change, some would say it’s about time.

England has been ruled by several women in the past, Matilda – who gets no cred at all since she ruled for about 6 months and no one paid any attention to  her anyway,  Lady Jane Grey – the Nine Days Queen, who never should have taken the throne and lost her head because of it, Mary I -crazy, crazy, crazy, Elizabeth I, Mary II and her sister Anne – who along with Mary’s husband William of Orange ran the sitting monarch, their daddy, James II out of town because he was an avowed Catholic, Victoria, and Elizabeth II.

There is much to be said of all the Queens, but only three play out in history:  Elizabeth I, Victoria, and Elizabeth II.

The others were interesting, fascinating really, but only the Elizabeths and Victoria get the books, movies, plays, and such.

I mean, really, have you ever heard of the Anneian Era?

Elizabeth I, “The Virgin Queen”….(pause for the laughter to die down)…gave rise to the Elizabethan Era, gave us Shakespeare, and reigned for 45 years. She expanded the Empire, sent explorers to the “New World”, and made wigs the rage.  She was probably bald, and those big-ass collars came into vogue to cover the syphilitic scars on her neck.  Her daddy had syphilis, she was born with it, so shit things happened.

An entire ERA of literature, art, culture, and fashion was named for her.

Victoria came to the throne by fluke.  Her uncles died childless, her father who was fourth in line for the throne died before her, and viola!  she’s queen.  Her Uncle named her Victoria because it wasn’t a royal name and “she’d never rule”.  OOPS!

Victoria was on the throne from 1837-1901, 64 years. She was a better queen than she was a mother, not enjoying the joys of motherhood at all.  She said “I don’t dislike babies, but the young ones are rather disgusting.”  True DAT!

Her other motherly quotes include, “An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest ones are quite frightful!”  Her view on pregnancy:  ”Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.”  A hazard she suffered nine times.

Her view of marriage:  ”I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.”

Ok, so Vicky was a little jaded; her kids were the worse for it.  Her oldest and heir was a rake, nearly a sexual deviant, and had more mistresses – 55, than any other English or British monarch!

But the Victorian Era gave us an end to slavery in the British Empire, Dickens, George Eliot, advances in medicine - anesthetics and antiseptics – advances in women’s rights, the automobile, and the Industrial Revolution.  For all the progress, Vicky was hardly a feminist.  Speaking of herself in “the royal we” fashion, she said:  ”The Queen is most anxious to enlist everyone in checking this mad, wicked folly of ‘Women’s Rights’.  It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself.”

Apparently bra-burning was frowned UPon!

Had their been a male sibling, we might have been saved from the shenanigans of her idiot children a completely different British Monarchy today.

Of course, the 2nd Elizabethan Era, which BTW, we’re still in, has given us air travel, Harold Robbins, Richard Burton, 9-11, less comfortable air travel, space travel, really ugly hats, The Rolling Stones, Amy Winehouse and The Beatles.

Hey, a girl’s gotta get some credit!

So, to all the boys out there who are sadly dismayed that the line of succession may be feminized, get over it.

Good Queen Bess, Victoria, and Her Majesty really didn’t do such a bad job!  So, boys, don’t be so old fashioned!  It’s the 21st Century after all!!!

And as to the anti-Catholic part, well, that’s more history than any of us have time for on a Tuesday, and frankly, the Anglican Church or The Church of England is merely Catholic-lite!

OK, there’s something just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG with that.

Not the sentence, but that it happened at all.

Crooked politicians UPset me – and from the way things are going in Georgia, I’m gonna’ be UPset a lot!

But, Crooked Cops UPset me even more!

It’s such a breach of trust. 

And it is more than disgusting when those who are supposed to UPhold the law, let themselves become above the law.

According to U.S. Attorney Sally Quillian Yates, Richard Trong Ong, 37, was a police officer at Suffolk University in Boston when he distributed 20,000 methamphetamine-laced ecstasy tablets to co-conspirators. 

20,000…that’s some serious trippin’ dude!

He was arrested way back in 2005 at his home in the Boston area. 

Yet, he was tried in Atlanta.

An Atlanta jury convicted the Quincy, Mass. man in August after a week-long trial on “conspiracy drug distribution charges.”

He was the last man standing;  there were more than two dozen “co-conspirators” to be sentenced in the case.

His Atlanta trial was precipitated by the fact that his supplier, a Canadian named Chiem Mach, moved to Atlanta in 2004 to lead a smuggling outfit that imported hundreds of thousands of ecstasy pills from Canada to Atlanta, Yates said.  First Canada sends us Celine Dion, and then this!  Thanks a pant load!

Mach was arrested in 2005 but died in custody while awaiting trial.

Thanks Chiem for saving us the cash and checking out early.  After all, the state is a little strapped.

According to prosecutors, here’s what happened:

On August 6, 2005, Ong met with Mach in a downtown Boston restaurant after finishing his police shift.   Nothing fancy, just some Nachos and a few Brewskies. 

The next day, Mach’s drug courier delivered 40,000 ecstasy tablets to Ong.

Again, nothing fancy, no Louis Vuitton, just a plain old carry-on bag.

On Aug. 10 Ong, was arrested as part of a Drug Enforcement Administration investigation, and three months later Mach and most of the others were rounded UP.

Ong was convicted on charges of “conspiracy to possess with the intent to distribute ecstasy and methamphetamine”, and was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Julie E. Carnes to 14 years in prison plus five years of supervised release.

Who’s gonna’ watch him the cops?

Model Kristen McMenamy is featured in a new 24-page fashion spread in the September issue of Italian Vogue.  She wears oil-soaked black feathered outfits and looks as though she’s dying on the beach. Photographer Steven Meisel shot the controversial Gulf disaster-inspired images of McMenamy.  The photos show her caught in nets, flopping like a dying animal, and spitting UP oil.

Is good taste dead?

I thought fashion magazines were supposed to show women what they should look like.  And I’m sure someone will show UP at the Emmys wearing a BP inspired dress.  Fashion statements and political statements often pose as one. 

Hey Vogue, most women want to look pretty…that’s why they’re buying your magazine.  Powerful and disturbing images like the ones in September’s issue are designed to make consumers feel badly for consuming.  I find that a tad hypocritical coming from a magazine – after all, isn’t about 100% of the content aimed at consuming, and isn’t about 80% of magazine taken UP by advertisements?

Actually, Vogue, you’re on a par with BP!  Hey,  if you’re worried about the environment so much, save a tree yourself once in a while…skip issues like this

Wear PJs in public, that is.

Really, comfy, easy, breezy, and loose…gotta love it.

But seriously folks….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It just should not be done.

I’ve seen them at Wal-Mart, no surprise.

Kroger, again, no surprise.

Criminal court – Thanks, Michael

School – they aren’t supposed to, but some are really good at pulling it off.  There’s one kid, I’m pretty sure he went to clown school, because he wears PJ pants everyday, the bottoms are pulled UP to his knees, like knickers, and his socks always match or coordinate with the pants.  It’s awesomely inappropriate.

Really, he’s a fashion forward fellow, and I’m sure if anyone else could figure out how he “gets it all together”, they’d all be doing it.

But it’s wrong.

I’ve seen them at church, a viewing, and at the Doctor’s office…ok, maybe I’ll excuse that one.  Sick and all.  Poor baby.

Stars do it.

Sporting events – check out the guy on the bench!

And of course, I ‘ve seen them at NASCAR. 

BTW, underwear is required!

As to the rock concerts,  really gals, is it so hard to find a halter top made of flannel?  Could you at least match?

Again, The P in PJs doesn’t stand for PUBLIC!

Conversation is the window to someone’s personality, or personalities as it were.  When we hear someone talk, we make judgements on their intelligence, moral views, education, regionality, and whether we want to “friend” them on Facebook. 

And so do they!

There are those out there…and I’m not accusing anyone…who suffer from Bad Conversation Behavior, or BCB as I like to call it.

BCB can instantly de-rail a potential friendship, relationship, job interview, or business deal.  If you suffer from BCB, you need to know.

Here are some tips.

1.  Don’t be a ‘hijacker’.  This is bad not only at the airport, but in every social venue as well. 

Hijackers don’t let a breath pass between your final thought and their first.  You come to the thrilling climax of your story about Great Aunt Betty’s memory loss and BOOM!  They jump right in with a “one-UPper” about their Great Aunt Alice’s bank heist.

You know the type.  They weren’t listening to you, but they are quite sure you’ll listen to them.  They usually try to top your story, and may on occasion make little of it. 

It’s offensive.  And makes you feel like a victim.

2. Eye contact, there is a happy medium.

In one on one conversation, eye contact is important.  It should be direct, but not too intense.  You want to look at the person, not through the person you’re talking with.  And not too much straying, they want to feel as though your concentrating on this conversation with them, and not other things in the room.   However, don’t stare them down, they just might peg you for a serial killer.

3.  Don’t be the Horse Whisperer.  If I have to ask you more than twice what you said, the conversation is usually over.  Speak UP, speak out.  If it’s not important enough to project then it’s not important enough. 

I’m a ‘low-talker’ and often catch myself drifting off at the end of a sentence.  And people tell  me all the time that I have a soothing voice.  I’m not so sure this is good.  Granted, I could get the kids to sleep, and can still calm a fussy child, but I have to work on projection and enunciation all the time.

4. Inappropriate Humor.  There’s a time and a place.  Know your audience, and know the time and place.  And there are somethings that are never appropriate.  Yes, I know this is a stunner coming from me!

5.  Me, Me, Me…no it’s not all about you.  Don’t be a walking Tweet!  Let the other person talk. And after you’re done bloviating about the insignificancies of your life, listen to the insignificancies of theirs. 

6. Debby Downer – don’t be one!  When a conversation starts with “this sucks” or “my world is falling apart” there is a tendency to RUN, RUN, RUN.  Don’t be the person causing the audience to flee!  You don’t have to fake happiness, when you’re not, but life is not all glum all the time.

7. Don’t be a Dead End Boy.  ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ all the time are answers that reek of disinterest and disengagement.  Granted it is a great way to get rid of someone, but your best friend might just take offense! 

8. Don’t be a Word Processor.  Again, there is a happy medium.  Yesses and noes may say you’re not interested, but too much is still too much.  It can also say, “I’d much rather hear myself talk than hear you!”  If you talk too much, there’s a possibility that most of it will be forgotten.  The ‘take away’ will be that you talk too much.  I’m a talker, SURPRISE!  And often I find myself “fighting for mic time” in a conversation.  One of the hardest lessons to learn was “less is more”.  I still don’t get it sometimes!  Nevertheless, it’s a conversation, not a monologue, diatribe, or Phillipic!

9.  The Mr. I’m Smarter Than You.  You may be, but it’s never nice to point it out.  No one really cares if you read a chapter of War and Peace in Russian everynight.  There should be a balance in the conversation.  If American Idol is the topic and you don’t watch it, oh well.  But don’t expect your conversation partner to get anything from your report on the latest from NPR!  And don’t deride someone for watching what they watch.  I may not approve either, but others aren’t miscreants for not liking what you like!  And really, be nice, don’t obfuscate.

10.  The Shameless Self Promotor.  I’ll just leave that one alone, I really don’t know anything about that topic!

There are 5 Million Muslims in France.

And France is just a scimitar’s breadth away from banning the Burka!

“Why?”, you ask, is this important? 

And, “Who in the name of Liza Minnelli  is Charles Martel?”

Well, it’s important for many reasons.

France is supposed to be the world’s all in compassing, welcoming, wonderful, the place of love, and all that “stuff”.

As to the Charles Martel question…

…a quick trip through the 8th Century if you don’t mind.

Charles Martel, or Charles the Hammer, was a Frankish (French) nobelman.  Many think he was and call him the King of France, but ah, not so, grasshopper.

He was but a lowly Lord of the Manor.

And he really wasn’t French, he was Belgian. (You know, like the waffle maker I want!)

And frankly, he was pretty awesome.

He called himself  The Duke and sometimes The Prince of the Franks.  He was big on Hebrew National, and was the first to ask whey do we have ten franks, and eight buns per package.

He was a brilliant general,—he lost only one battle in his “career”.  The Battle of Cologne, some say he broke his Aramis.

Considered a Founding Father of the Middle Ages, he is often accused, blamed, credited in the development of feudalism, knighthood, and the whole Chivalry thing.

And, since he was Charlemagne’s grandfather, he’s credited with founding the Holy Roman Empire, (Which I might add, was neither Holy nor Roman, and was barely an empire.)

Nonetheless, Chuck was vitally important to all of Europe and the Western world.

The Umayyad invaders were used to simple Barbarians in Eastern Europe and Spain.  The Hammer’s organized, trained, army was quite a shock!  He, The Hammer,  kicked some Saracen Ass at Tours, said “can’t touch this”, and prevented the Muslim Invasion of Europe and the expansion of the Muslim Empire. 

So, the fact that there are five million Muslims in France, would, let’s see, ummmm, make Le Hammer “tres pissed off”, to say the least.  Not that he was a religious Intolerant, after all, he did let the Protestants and AnaBaptists Pray before he killed them too.

So, back to the 21st Century and the Banning of the Burka.  (France has already banned the Burkini, a full body bathing suit on beaches…after all they did create the Nude Beach at Nice!)

 So, again, why would France ban the burka?

Fashion may be France’s number one priority, but the burka and what it represents “is not welcome in France, and is an attack on French values” according to French President Nicholas Sarkozy.  That whole “French values” thing was really hard to type!

For a nation whose national emblem is “Marianne”, a bare chested woman (most recent copies are based on Catherine Denurve, but the real one came into being long before she was born), concern is growing over the head to toe garb which is usually black or brown, worn with gloves, and is more typical of Saudi Arabia than the streets of Gay Paree!

It is also viewed by millions in France and other places as the emblem of Radical Islam. 

Most of the French see it as an attack on sexual equality, women’s rights, most (again, tee hee) French values, and a jab at the French Republic’s secular foundation.

Remember, after the French Revolution, religion was taboo, marriage was a civil union, and the clergy were stripped of power and possessions. 

A huge part of me says “Go France”. 

And France really has given so many things to the world; Fashion, which we all know is tres important to UP, Fragrance, yes, I wear cologne!, Dry cleaning – who could live without it?, The Metric System, ok that’s not so great. French Fries, Brigette Bardot, and who could forget surrender?

I don’t mean to profile, but if Fatimah comes into the bank while I’m standing in line, and she’s dressed from brow to bottom in a black burka, UP is gonna’ hit the floor.  And if she’s at the airport, I’m hittin’ the Hertz Counter and driving my butt to wherever I’d planned on going.  The Burka scares me too.

So, I say let’s give this one to the French.  They may have dropped the ball on leg warmers in the 80s, but this is a good idea, and maybe they’ll ban those new Goga pants from Old Navy too!

I mean, really, really, really, hate him.

It’s all his fault!

If it wasn’t for him and that AWFUL “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” we would never have been subjected to the scary, snake and snail eating, exhibitionistic, back-stabbing  Tribes of  “Survivor”.

And what about those briefcases over on  ”Deal Or No Deal?  Can someone PLEEEEEEEEEEASE tell me how Howie Mandel got his own TV show

and I did not? 

I mean, really people, c’mon.

And who thought 25 golddiggers vying for the for the five carat Harry Winston heart of an over tanned (and that’s a lot coming from me) over pumped, over self aggrandized “batchelor” (or vice versa) would be a hit? 

Really, Melissa may have gotten her heart broken, but at least she did get to go on a REAL TV show.

Then there is “The Biggest Loser”.  Excuse me, but 400 pound has beens have their own TV show…what’s happening in Hollywood?

Joan Rivers and Donald Trump; haven’t we seen enough of them?

And Jon and Hate Kate Plus Eight, haven’t we seen enough of her them?

And what about Dr. Drew?  Heidi Fliess, bad girl, bad face lift, bad language, bad drug habit.

Who needs it?

Sometimes I long for Miss Kitty, we all knew she was a hooker, but Matt loved her anyway. 

And what about the Cartwright boys?

Where are shows like that?

I could go on, but I have to set my TiVo for real shows.

I just hate it when “American Idol” comes on at the same time as “Dancing With The Stars”