Model Kristen McMenamy is featured in a new 24-page fashion spread in the September issue of Italian Vogue.  She wears oil-soaked black feathered outfits and looks as though she’s dying on the beach. Photographer Steven Meisel shot the controversial Gulf disaster-inspired images of McMenamy.  The photos show her caught in nets, flopping like a dying animal, and spitting UP oil.

Is good taste dead?

I thought fashion magazines were supposed to show women what they should look like.  And I’m sure someone will show UP at the Emmys wearing a BP inspired dress.  Fashion statements and political statements often pose as one. 

Hey Vogue, most women want to look pretty…that’s why they’re buying your magazine.  Powerful and disturbing images like the ones in September’s issue are designed to make consumers feel badly for consuming.  I find that a tad hypocritical coming from a magazine – after all, isn’t about 100% of the content aimed at consuming, and isn’t about 80% of magazine taken UP by advertisements?

Actually, Vogue, you’re on a par with BP!  Hey,  if you’re worried about the environment so much, save a tree yourself once in a while…skip issues like this

Wear PJs in public, that is.

Really, comfy, easy, breezy, and loose…gotta love it.

But seriously folks….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It just should not be done.

I’ve seen them at Wal-Mart, no surprise.

Kroger, again, no surprise.

Criminal court – Thanks, Michael

School – they aren’t supposed to, but some are really good at pulling it off.  There’s one kid, I’m pretty sure he went to clown school, because he wears PJ pants everyday, the bottoms are pulled UP to his knees, like knickers, and his socks always match or coordinate with the pants.  It’s awesomely inappropriate.

Really, he’s a fashion forward fellow, and I’m sure if anyone else could figure out how he “gets it all together”, they’d all be doing it.

But it’s wrong.

I’ve seen them at church, a viewing, and at the Doctor’s office…ok, maybe I’ll excuse that one.  Sick and all.  Poor baby.

Stars do it.

Sporting events – check out the guy on the bench!

And of course, I ‘ve seen them at NASCAR. 

BTW, underwear is required!

As to the rock concerts,  really gals, is it so hard to find a halter top made of flannel?  Could you at least match?

Again, The P in PJs doesn’t stand for PUBLIC!

Conversation is the window to someone’s personality, or personalities as it were.  When we hear someone talk, we make judgements on their intelligence, moral views, education, regionality, and whether we want to “friend” them on Facebook. 

And so do they!

There are those out there…and I’m not accusing anyone…who suffer from Bad Conversation Behavior, or BCB as I like to call it.

BCB can instantly de-rail a potential friendship, relationship, job interview, or business deal.  If you suffer from BCB, you need to know.

Here are some tips.

1.  Don’t be a ‘hijacker’.  This is bad not only at the airport, but in every social venue as well. 

Hijackers don’t let a breath pass between your final thought and their first.  You come to the thrilling climax of your story about Great Aunt Betty’s memory loss and BOOM!  They jump right in with a “one-UPper” about their Great Aunt Alice’s bank heist.

You know the type.  They weren’t listening to you, but they are quite sure you’ll listen to them.  They usually try to top your story, and may on occasion make little of it. 

It’s offensive.  And makes you feel like a victim.

2. Eye contact, there is a happy medium.

In one on one conversation, eye contact is important.  It should be direct, but not too intense.  You want to look at the person, not through the person you’re talking with.  And not too much straying, they want to feel as though your concentrating on this conversation with them, and not other things in the room.   However, don’t stare them down, they just might peg you for a serial killer.

3.  Don’t be the Horse Whisperer.  If I have to ask you more than twice what you said, the conversation is usually over.  Speak UP, speak out.  If it’s not important enough to project then it’s not important enough. 

I’m a ‘low-talker’ and often catch myself drifting off at the end of a sentence.  And people tell  me all the time that I have a soothing voice.  I’m not so sure this is good.  Granted, I could get the kids to sleep, and can still calm a fussy child, but I have to work on projection and enunciation all the time.

4. Inappropriate Humor.  There’s a time and a place.  Know your audience, and know the time and place.  And there are somethings that are never appropriate.  Yes, I know this is a stunner coming from me!

5.  Me, Me, Me…no it’s not all about you.  Don’t be a walking Tweet!  Let the other person talk. And after you’re done bloviating about the insignificancies of your life, listen to the insignificancies of theirs. 

6. Debby Downer – don’t be one!  When a conversation starts with “this sucks” or “my world is falling apart” there is a tendency to RUN, RUN, RUN.  Don’t be the person causing the audience to flee!  You don’t have to fake happiness, when you’re not, but life is not all glum all the time.

7. Don’t be a Dead End Boy.  ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ all the time are answers that reek of disinterest and disengagement.  Granted it is a great way to get rid of someone, but your best friend might just take offense! 

8. Don’t be a Word Processor.  Again, there is a happy medium.  Yesses and noes may say you’re not interested, but too much is still too much.  It can also say, “I’d much rather hear myself talk than hear you!”  If you talk too much, there’s a possibility that most of it will be forgotten.  The ‘take away’ will be that you talk too much.  I’m a talker, SURPRISE!  And often I find myself “fighting for mic time” in a conversation.  One of the hardest lessons to learn was “less is more”.  I still don’t get it sometimes!  Nevertheless, it’s a conversation, not a monologue, diatribe, or Phillipic!

9.  The Mr. I’m Smarter Than You.  You may be, but it’s never nice to point it out.  No one really cares if you read a chapter of War and Peace in Russian everynight.  There should be a balance in the conversation.  If American Idol is the topic and you don’t watch it, oh well.  But don’t expect your conversation partner to get anything from your report on the latest from NPR!  And don’t deride someone for watching what they watch.  I may not approve either, but others aren’t miscreants for not liking what you like!  And really, be nice, don’t obfuscate.

10.  The Shameless Self Promotor.  I’ll just leave that one alone, I really don’t know anything about that topic!

There are 5 Million Muslims in France.

And France is just a scimitar’s breadth away from banning the Burka!

“Why?”, you ask, is this important? 

And, “Who in the name of Liza Minnelli  is Charles Martel?”

Well, it’s important for many reasons.

France is supposed to be the world’s all in compassing, welcoming, wonderful, the place of love, and all that “stuff”.

As to the Charles Martel question…

…a quick trip through the 8th Century if you don’t mind.

Charles Martel, or Charles the Hammer, was a Frankish (French) nobelman.  Many think he was and call him the King of France, but ah, not so, grasshopper.

He was but a lowly Lord of the Manor.

And he really wasn’t French, he was Belgian. (You know, like the waffle maker I want!)

And frankly, he was pretty awesome.

He called himself  The Duke and sometimes The Prince of the Franks.  He was big on Hebrew National, and was the first to ask whey do we have ten franks, and eight buns per package.

He was a brilliant general,—he lost only one battle in his “career”.  The Battle of Cologne, some say he broke his Aramis.

Considered a Founding Father of the Middle Ages, he is often accused, blamed, credited in the development of feudalism, knighthood, and the whole Chivalry thing.

And, since he was Charlemagne’s grandfather, he’s credited with founding the Holy Roman Empire, (Which I might add, was neither Holy nor Roman, and was barely an empire.)

Nonetheless, Chuck was vitally important to all of Europe and the Western world.

The Umayyad invaders were used to simple Barbarians in Eastern Europe and Spain.  The Hammer’s organized, trained, army was quite a shock!  He, The Hammer,  kicked some Saracen Ass at Tours, said “can’t touch this”, and prevented the Muslim Invasion of Europe and the expansion of the Muslim Empire. 

So, the fact that there are five million Muslims in France, would, let’s see, ummmm, make Le Hammer “tres pissed off”, to say the least.  Not that he was a religious Intolerant, after all, he did let the Protestants and AnaBaptists Pray before he killed them too.

So, back to the 21st Century and the Banning of the Burka.  (France has already banned the Burkini, a full body bathing suit on beaches…after all they did create the Nude Beach at Nice!)

 So, again, why would France ban the burka?

Fashion may be France’s number one priority, but the burka and what it represents “is not welcome in France, and is an attack on French values” according to French President Nicholas Sarkozy.  That whole “French values” thing was really hard to type!

For a nation whose national emblem is “Marianne”, a bare chested woman (most recent copies are based on Catherine Denurve, but the real one came into being long before she was born), concern is growing over the head to toe garb which is usually black or brown, worn with gloves, and is more typical of Saudi Arabia than the streets of Gay Paree!

It is also viewed by millions in France and other places as the emblem of Radical Islam. 

Most of the French see it as an attack on sexual equality, women’s rights, most (again, tee hee) French values, and a jab at the French Republic’s secular foundation.

Remember, after the French Revolution, religion was taboo, marriage was a civil union, and the clergy were stripped of power and possessions. 

A huge part of me says “Go France”. 

And France really has given so many things to the world; Fashion, which we all know is tres important to UP, Fragrance, yes, I wear cologne!, Dry cleaning – who could live without it?, The Metric System, ok that’s not so great. French Fries, Brigette Bardot, and who could forget surrender?

I don’t mean to profile, but if Fatimah comes into the bank while I’m standing in line, and she’s dressed from brow to bottom in a black burka, UP is gonna’ hit the floor.  And if she’s at the airport, I’m hittin’ the Hertz Counter and driving my butt to wherever I’d planned on going.  The Burka scares me too.

So, I say let’s give this one to the French.  They may have dropped the ball on leg warmers in the 80s, but this is a good idea, and maybe they’ll ban those new Goga pants from Old Navy too!

I mean, really, really, really, hate him.

It’s all his fault!

If it wasn’t for him and that AWFUL “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” we would never have been subjected to the scary, snake and snail eating, exhibitionistic, back-stabbing  Tribes of  “Survivor”.

And what about those briefcases over on  ”Deal Or No Deal?  Can someone PLEEEEEEEEEEASE tell me how Howie Mandel got his own TV show

and I did not? 

I mean, really people, c’mon.

And who thought 25 golddiggers vying for the for the five carat Harry Winston heart of an over tanned (and that’s a lot coming from me) over pumped, over self aggrandized “batchelor” (or vice versa) would be a hit? 

Really, Melissa may have gotten her heart broken, but at least she did get to go on a REAL TV show.

Then there is “The Biggest Loser”.  Excuse me, but 400 pound has beens have their own TV show…what’s happening in Hollywood?

Joan Rivers and Donald Trump; haven’t we seen enough of them?

And Jon and Hate Kate Plus Eight, haven’t we seen enough of her them?

And what about Dr. Drew?  Heidi Fliess, bad girl, bad face lift, bad language, bad drug habit.

Who needs it?

Sometimes I long for Miss Kitty, we all knew she was a hooker, but Matt loved her anyway. 

And what about the Cartwright boys?

Where are shows like that?

I could go on, but I have to set my TiVo for real shows.

I just hate it when “American Idol” comes on at the same time as “Dancing With The Stars”

From Beautiful Downtown Norcross, GA (just outside of the ATL)

Hope your new year is a good one!!!

UP

Cheerleaders can be so mean

From party crasher to cheer camp sneak in…

Prior to her gutsy and glamorous White House caper, Michaele decided she wanted to fufill that High School dream from days of yore.  She snuck into a Cheerleader reunion, and pretended to be a former NFL Washington Redskins Cheerleader.

Now, there’s a claim to fame!

This gal is better than Bond.  She actually made it into the Redskins Reunion!  And she actually performed at FedEx Field during halftime of the Redskins-St. Louis Rams game Sept. 20 with a group of 150 former Redskins cheerleaders.

WOW!

Her rehearsals with the group were filmed by the crew from the ”The Real Housewives of D.C., according to her hubby Taleq.

Many of the REAL former cheerleaders said she drew a lot of attention because of the crew.  And she got a lot of attention because no one knew who she was nor remembered her from the Cheery days gone by.

I’m sure they were all asking themselves just how much coke they did back in the day.

The first clue - she couldn’t do the routines.  Well DOH!

She was never a cheerleader.

But the clincher was her inablilty to perform the routine to the Redskins Fight Song, “Hail To The Redskins”. 

C’mon, even the drunkest Redskins fan can do that!

When asked who the choreographer was when she was ‘cheering’ , Michaele couldn’t remember.

These girls are slow…clue afte clue after clue, and no one said…who is she?

Once the White House State Dinner thing broke, some of the girls were sitting around at the Former Cheerleader Bar and Grill  and decided to “check that broad out”.

What they found out…she was never at an audition, never at a game, and never performed as an Redskins Cheerleader. 

Boy are those girls pissed!

The Washington Redskins Cheerleaders Alumni Association (seriously, there is one) lists Salahi on its membership roster and indicates that she was a cheerleader during 1991 season under her nickname and maiden name, Missy Holt. 

How she got on there we’ll never know, she was unable to supply any proof when asked for it by the group. 

The ticket would have been about 90 bucks.

I think he can afford it.

Earlier in the week the Gov was on Leno chatting it up about “green cars”, and his commitment ot promoting green vehicles.

Are Porches in that? 

I don’t think so Arnie!!

He also told Jay he’d not had a speeding ticket in six years…parking tickets were not mentioned.

Back to Maria for a second, it seems that after hanging up from her cell phone, the first lady parked her Escalade (again, not a green car) in a red zone as well.   Naughty, naughty, naughty!

Governor S. says the his red zone parking was a mistake, he didn’t see it.   What, California doesn’t have vision?

“No one’s perfect, not even me.”, he offered.

I guess since it’s Thanksgiving week, ‘His Austrian Oakness’ can be thankful that they both weren’t ticketed (if he really was) …that 90 bucks thing can add up.

I guess  you CAN  break the law if you have the money!

I’m sorry here, but me wanting an Academy Award and me winning one are two different things, even I’m not that good of an actor…I just can’t act surprised on this one.  She expected exemplary behavior, no problems, and folded hands on their laps?  Come on Kate!  Get real! 

I don’t mean to turn this into the “Hate Kate” site, but c’mon lady.

What do you expect?  Be a parent!  Be, I don’t know, less self-absorbed.

She told Vanity Fair she is “trying to give them the grace to see, if they’re acting out of line, I’m trying to look deeper in why that is.” 

Ok, the hair dye has seeped into the brain cells.  I really don’t think she has that many to spare.

Really…trying to give them grace to see…my Mother had a way of doing that.  She let me know right away that I was acting out of line.  There was no time for me to study it, I learned PRONTO!

But then, my Mother didn’t slap me on a REALITY TV show, and plaster my face and hers all over US, People, and Vanity Fair.

Ms. Gosselin also said, when asked how the kids are dealing with Jon being gone,  ”Miss him. They say they miss him. I imagine they say the same thing when I’m away.”

This woman can put body language in a magazine article!  Even I get the snide and snippy content there.  “They SAY they miss him.”  He’s their Daddy, lady, he may be a total “DB” but of course they miss him!

In the  interview, Gosselin, 34, also talks “excitedly” about guest-hosting The View and her potential future in television. “It comes to me very easily when I’m doing TV . . . I laugh that people are like, ‘Oh, that must be so hard.’ To me it’s so very easy!”

Of course it’s easy for her.  She’s not only a virago, harridan, and nag, she’s GreedyMedia Junkie !

But let’s get back to the kids.

They may be actin’ out, but they ain’t misbehavin’. 

This should surprise no one!

They’re behaving as well as should be expected!

Oh yes,

DFACS, where the heck are you!

I know this happened yesterday, and it’s already old news, but it is an issue.

DWT.

Driving while talking (on the phone).

GUILTY!

Just call me Maria.

Maria Shriver, wife of the California Govenor, Niece of JFK, Teddy, and Bobby, and daughter of Eunice Shriver (whom I really like, thanks for the Special Olympics!!), was caught by the “incredibly reliable source” of TMZ talking on her cell phone while driving WITHOUT A HEADSET.  (TMZ, the TV gossip show, to which I’m secretly addicted, but will lie and deny ever having seen it from here on.)

OH – MY-  COW!

Oh, and they have evidence.

This could get sticky.

AP news source is reporting that the Gov. is “calling out his wife” (hopefully, not while she’s driving) for violating what he signed into law. 

Well now, I guess all marriages aren’t perfect.

Apparently.statewide there is a $20 fine for the first offense.  It escalates (oh..she was driving and Escalade, BTW) from there.  However, in Brentwood, where they live, the fine is $93 and the second one $201.  (And yes, it costs more to do everything in Brentwood.)

How will she pay it? – I suppose all those Hollywood types could take a few bucks from the “Roman Polanski Defense Fund” (yes, there really is one.) and hurl it Maria’s way.

On his Twitter (love it) feed, Gov. S. said that “there would be swift action.”

His spokesman translated that for the public as meaning, “he’ll ask her to stop talking on the phone while driving”.

Well duh!

For the Love of Liz Taylor, don’t you think someone who makes $20 million dollars a movie could afford to buy his wife a Bluetooth?

C’mon Arnie, pony up!

(and to the rest of you out there, practice “safe phone”…don’t talk and drive, unless it’s hands-free!)