Sydney Spies, a Colorado Senior High School student is all UPset because those popular kids on the yearbook staff think her senior picture is too sexy for publication.

Yearbook pictures have changed since I graduated in 1970.

And, I wasn’t too sexy for anything…but, that’s a whole ‘nother Springer Show.

The Colorado Coed and her mother are all UP in arms about this, and are threatening legal action.

The popular kids on the yearbook staff are riled because their yearbooks have been award winners – I didn’t know there were awards for yearbooks – in the past, and they want to keep UP the tradition and not do anything to lower their standards.

Sydney, her mother, Miki (shocker) and a handful of high school students staged a protest because Sydney was “being denied her freedom of expression.”

The school officials say the outfit violates dress code, well – let’s hope so!

Here’s a tip, Sydney.  Your grandchildren are going to look at that yearbook and say, “Wow, Granny dressed like a ho!”

So, let it go.  Move on.  Hit the mall, and buy a top…a whole top!

Ok, I’m a Faniston, I love Jen, think Brad’s a fool for dumping her, and want to smack John Mayer for all the nasty things he said about her in Esquire,

But, the hottest woman of all time?

Sorry, I just don’t think so.

The poll voted on by Men’s Health readers, contributors, and writers included the 100 Sexiest/Hottest Women of all time.

All time.

Really, did they meet, or even see a real likeness of the great beauties of yesteryear.

The list of 100 started at the bottom with Catherine Bach, a.k.a. Daisy Duke!  And ended of course, at #1 with Aniston.

Frankly, after looking at the poll, all the voters are either seriously mentally deficient or drunk!

Maybe both.

Paris Hilton was higher on the list than either Sophia Loren or Elizabeth Taylor.

Granted, Sophia is old and Liz is dead, but both – in their present states – are still hotter than Paris!

Tina Turner was 99 – drunk, I say, all of them!

Here’s the list, Bottom to Top:  Catherine Bach, Tina Turner, June Wilkerson, Cybill Shepherd, Mila Kunis, Julia Roberts, Kathleen Turner, Linda Ronstadt, Dolly Parton, Susan George, Barbara Eden, Phoebe Cates, Dorothy Dandridge, Christina Hendricks, Grace Kelly (@ # 87!!!!), Sasha Grey, Loni Anderson, Lili St. Cyr, Audrey Hepburn, Clara Bow, Elle MacPherson, Kim Novak, Jane Seymour, Kelly LeBrock, Anita Ekberg, Brigette Bardot!!!, we’re only UP to 75, Demi Moore, Jane Russell, Suzanne Somers, Cheryl Tiegs, Natassja Kinski, Elizabeth Taylor (# 69), Tawney Kitaen, Jean Harlow, Alicia are you kidding me Silverstone, Nicole Scherzinger, Kylie Minogue, Tyra – kiss my fat ass – Banks, Veronica Lake, Denise Richards, Jennifer Lopez, Diane Lane, Rita Hayworth, Pam Grier, Bo Derek, Mae West, Jessica Alba, Lauren Bacall, Carrie Fisher!!!!, Kim Basinger, Brooklyn Decker, Jenna Jameson, Kathy Ireland, Sophia Loren at # 47, Paris Hilton, Michelle Pfeiffer, Aishwarya Rai, Erin Andrews, Brooke Sheilds, Miranda Kerr, Mariah Carey, Cindy Crawford, Teri Hatcher, Claudia Schiffer, Betty Grable, Halle Berry, Claudia Cardinale, Beyonce, Penelope Cruz, Farrah Fawcett, Jayne Mansfield, Anna Kournikova, Ann-Margaret, Natalie Portman, Kim – I’m hurling now – Kardashian, Gisele Bundchen, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Electra, Salma Hayek, Monica Bellucci, Heidi Klum, Heather Locklear, Shakira, Anna  Nicole Smith, Christie Brinkley, Jenny McCarthy, Megan Fox, Catherine Deneuve, Scarlett Johansson, Sharon Stone, Angelina Jolie, Jane Fonda, Pamela Anderson, Bettie Page, Ursula Andress, Madonna, Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Raquel Welch, and Jennifer.

Seriously, drunk!

Where’s Jessica Lange?  Anouk Amiee?  Lana Turner?

And what about the great beauties of the past?

Lily Langtry, The Divine Sarah, Cleopatra, Jenny Churchill?

And everyone in Germantown is asking, “Why isn’t Connie Diver on that list?”

Now, I know you’re all thinking, I’d put Liz at # 1, but I wouldn’t.  I am a fan, I think she was a great beauty, but the sexiest, hottest woman of all time?  Not really.

Mine’s not even on the list!

Anne Hathaway!

Gotta run now, I have a subscription to cancel!

Day after Thanksgiving, added pounds, the start of the Christmas Season.

Yeah, it’s Christmas, not the holiday season.

And it’s stretchypantwaistband season too!

The average American gains 5 to 10 pounds over the holidays.  Five to ten pounds!  So, unless you take that off in January, over a period of 30 years, you’ll add 150 to 300 pounds to your frame.

Ouch!

But, back to stretch pants.  And by stretch pants, I mean draw-string jogging pants.  So, on this day after turkey day, get out there and jog that dressing off.

Today, jogging suits aren’t a fashion faux pas!

Details magazine, which I get monthly, and have no clue why, since I’ve not sent them a dime, has an article that says that buns are the new abs, for men.

My first thought is, “How am I supposed to get my butt on my stomach, and who would want that?”

Then I read the article.  Men are worrying about their backsides as much as their abs these days!

Great!  200 crunches a day, with little result, and now I have to worry about my AZZ!

I know, I know, rock hard abs are a combination of work, diet, and genetics, and that ship sailed a long time ago, so I’ll never look like this.

But, I do work on it.

Now, I have to worry about my behind? 

The article recommended that one do “duck walks”, and that kegely thing pregos have to do as well as some other exercises.

Some would say I’m enough of a tight-ass, and that squeezing my butt while waiting on a customer could just lead to some really bad mojo!

And of course, some trainer got a book deal out of all this.  David Kirsch’s new “tome” The Butt Book, hit the shelves and kindles everywhere recently. 

So, guys, get squeezing, get duck walking, get on that glute machine at the gym, seems the ladies want butts that look like this!

It’s called the Kardashian Kollection, and it’s sold at Sears!

I, for one am quite surprised that the siblings even knew what a Sears was, and I’m pretty sure someone had to tell them.

And, as mean as I’ve been to Kim, Cortney, and the other one, I will have to admit, the ladies must have some business savvy.  Or at least someone with some savvy has gotten ahold of them.

The reason I even know about the Kardashian Kollection is because I was forced to watch GMA Thursday AM while waiting for my car to be worked on at Kauffman Tires, where I’ve been buying my tires for 13 years.  They always treat me right.  But, right there on the TV, all three of the sisters sat with Robin Roberts; the beautiful one, the pretty one, and the other one.  All three of the girls were wearing their own creations.

Robin was wearing a Kardashian Dress from Sears, purple, shirt waist, shirt dress…really quite flattering!

This is not the outfit, I can't find it on Google yet! Sorry!

But, alas, the Telly was on GMA, and I was loathe to change the channel as one or two others were rapt with attention as the three ‘ladies’ came on the screen.

As to the business savvy part, the klothes are amazingly reasonably priced.  Quite frankly, I was shocked.  I doubt they’ve ever bought retail, and I doubt they’ve ever paid $49.00 for a jacket.  Most of the klothes are mix and match, and most of them are pretty snazzy.

There is a skanky one or two…but, who’s surprised about that?

Their line includes;  belts, handbags, intimates, jewelry, sunglasses, women’s and shoes. 

There is no men’s line!  How sad for me!

The klothes were really pretty nice.  And the sisters really seemed to know what they were talking about.  Which brings UP another point:  with all that kash, they really should hire someone to work with their voices.  They are truly Valley Girls.  Oh, there were, no “likes” nor were there “gag me with a spoons”, but the WHINE was deafening. 

They all need a diction coach, elocution education, and nasal nukes!

But, the klothes are pretty kool. 

Especially if your a size 0 or maybe a 1.

A bit of a 1980s flash back, and some serious Nolan Miller influence.  Shoulder pads are back.  Pin stripes are back, ‘wide-leg’ pants (God forbid that we call them Bell Bottoms!), and leggings too.

Next think you know, we’ll all be listening to Debbie Gibson again, and wearing big hair…well, at least some of you will be wearing big hair!

Nancy Grace was able to convince a nation that Casey Anthony was guilty, but the state prosecutor wasn’t able to convince 12 jurors she was.

Taxes are high.

Insurance is high.

Unemployment is high.

The beaches are crowded with drunken teens.

And it’s really hot there!

So, it’s kinda nice to see the Sunshine State win one once in a while.

And win they did.

Well, it took 32 years, but at least they caught Frederick Barrett.  Mr. Barrett, who is now, unlike me (did ya hear that Jenny), 60, had been on the run for 32 years!!

Convicted of murdering a man who gave him and a buddy a ride on the Florida Turnpike years ago, he slinked out of the Raiford State Prision, in the town of the same name, during a power outage.

Ok, first of all I lived in Florida for 18 years, and if prisoners can sneak out during power outages, the streets must be full of them, ’cause the power goes out all the time!

Secondly, 32 years?

Really, this guy must have been good.  They found him in Colorado.  He was living under an assumed name.  A tattoo on his hand ‘convinced police they had the right guy’.

And, he’s back in the slammer.  For life.

Which is good, since he, unlike Casey, was found guilty.

It amazes me that he could freely roam the nation and travel as far as Hawai’i all those years.

But, then, that’s one nice thing about America, we are free.  And that shouldn’t change.

Florida just needs to make the joint more secure.

Mr. Barrett was found in Colorado, as I mentioned, growing pot.  He also had guns.  Something tells me he didn’t go straight once he was out of the slammer.

But, alas, the thing that bothers me most, is the fact that through all those years, no one mentioned to him that the Unibrow was out.  He had one when he went into jail, and he kept it!!  Now, that’s a fasion no no!

Frankly, I think another 30 years is only fair!

Let’s face it, they’re not Wills and Kate.

Oh, I’m happy for them, wish them the best and all that crap stuff, but seriously, he’s 53, she’s 33, December/May, he’s already got two kids from previous “relationships”, it’s just…well, it’s just D U L L!

Sadly, Prince Albert took after the male line of the Kelly side and didn’t get the dashing features of his father.  Grace was beautiful, but I’m guessin’ she’d make an ugly guy.

And, Monaco’s not the British Monarchy.  It’s a “sunny town for shady people” according to Frank Sinatra, and it’s full of scandal, and crooks.

Wait a minute…it’s getting more interesting.  The world’s smallest country is governed by a Constitutional Monarchy.  It’s changed hands over the years, but has one of the oldest ruling families.  The Monegasque ruling family, the Grimaldis,  are not royal highnesses, they are serene highnesses.  It’s kind of a step down from the rest of the Royals…Imperial, Royal, Serene. 

Monaco is known for gambling, as a tax haven, and where the rich and famous played in the 1950s and 1960s and before.  It’s still a popular place, and it will be packed this weekend for the wedding.  There are 8,000 people in Monaco, and at least that many are expected to join the natives for the party.

As to the shady stuff, some reports have trouble a-brewing.  Just days before the next big royal wedding, a rumor surfaced that the Rhodesian swimmer a.k.a ‘the bride to be’ had called it off.  L’Express magazine’s website posted a storystating that Charlene fled to the airport with a one way ticket home to South Africa.  Of course the government is denying all this.  According to the Palace, she’s no Runaway Bride. 

“Charlene Wittstock had learned a few hours earlier that the private life of the man she was about to marry, who publicly acknowledged in 2005 a child from an adulterous relationship, was not as exemplary as she had imagined,” can be found on the French magazine’s website.  Duh, he’s a spoiled playboy.  Shocker!!

Doesn’t she read the papers?

It’s a big deal for the Prince of Monaco to tie the knot.  With out an heir, the principality goes back to France.  Oh, there’s an heir, er heiress, right now, Princess Caroline and her children stand to inherit.

No one wants either of those to happen.

So, here’s wishing them luck in the baby-making department. 

I really do wish them the best, and I’m not being snarky just because I can’t afford to go to Monaco and play in the sun. 

I’m sure the bride will look beautiful, Estee Lauder, who’s birth anniversary day is today, said “Beauty is an attitude. There’s no secret. Why are all brides beautiful? Because on their wedding day they care about how they look.”  Let’s hope she does!  And let’s hope she comes back!

And after all, Mother always said, “Pretty is as pretty does.”

What is the world coming to?

And, there are days when the line of people waiting to get into the store is 150 people long!!

And that’s a short line!

Seriously, what is the world coming to?

A&F is just one of many US stores looking to Europe for more sales.  With too many stores in the US and the economy in the toilet, the easiest way to increase sales is to invade other lands.

“Lafayette, we are here!”, takes on a whole new meaning. 

Back in May, before Abercrombie’s store opened in Paris (writer shakes head in disgust) , the Columbus, Ohio-based company flew in more than 100 male models.  Parading them shirtless, and with their  jeans slung just above the groin – as only Abertrampy and Skank can do, where they caused a near riot in front of the store.

Teenagers screamed, while older, more elegant Parisians looked on with an air of disdain – as only the French can do.

But, alas, the gendarmes arrived, restored order and demanded that Abercrombie to slap some of its cheap and tacky rags on the models. Paris has rules you know, one of the regulations bars partial nudity on the Champs-Elysees.

Imagine that!

One young Frenchwoman after waiting four hours to get into the store, said, “Young people here don’t think badly about America — we’re American in our heads, we watch all the U.S. television series: ‘Gossip Girl,’ ‘Glee,’ ‘Vampire Diaries.’ ”

Well, I guess that explains it.

I’ll wait a few minutes…

…hurry UP, times a wastin’.

I really wanted to call this “Is that a Hebrew National in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”, but Mae West’s estate  has lawyers, so I won’t use that.

This is a Fashion Friday Ass Of The Week Combo Package!

NY Congressman, and former roommate of The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart,  Anthony David Weiner – no, I’m not making this UP – thought he tweeted a picture of a man in his underwear who was visibly aroused to his girlfriend, but it ended UP on his yfrog account.

OOPS!

Did I mention he’s married?

Well, he is.   He married a long time assistant of Hillary Clinton last year.   Former President Bill Clinton presided over the ceremony.  Hmmmm.

Did I mention he was considering a run for they Mayor’s Office in New York City?

Well, he was.

Arnold is so relieved!

Weiner says his twitter account was hacked, his TIVO is on the fritz, and his Facebook account was hacked as well.  Facebook says there is no evidence his FB accout was hacked.  And on top of that, yfrog links only to Twitter, not Facebook.  And TIVO has nothing to do with it.  Someone needs a better spin doctor!

Hmmm.  Damn those Republicans!!

He did say his toaster was still loyal.

Seriously, he said that, on Twitter.

The Tool Tweet turn on try was somehow, linked to his yfrog account.

Note to self, don’t get a yfrog account.

The Washington Whatcom College woman whom Weiner was wooing by sending the tweet, deleted her account.  The website, Big Government originally reported the story in their article “Hacked or Hung” – oh how I want to write for those people - unearthed the tweet, and broke the news.  The woman deleted her Twitter account, but Ironic Surealism, another site found a second account linked to the woman.

The woman who is believed to have had the Twitter account @GennetteNicole, tweeted in April, “I wonder what my boyfriend @repweiner is doing right now?

Ok, honey, lay off the Tequila, it’s making you stUPid!

It hit Twitter by storm last week, and was instantly dubbed “weinergate”…again…I soooooooo want to write for these people!

Of course, he’s been all over the news this week, even Anderson Cooper’s producer got called a jackass by Weiner by him.  Hello pot, meet kettle!  And Weiner hasn’t “categorically denied” the picture is of him, he is, however denying that he sent it!

So, my Fashion Friday advice, guys – if you plan on sending a dirty picture of yourself to your girlfriend, or even taking one of yourself, and you’re a US Congressman, and your last name is for the Love of Liz, WEINER, expect for some journalist, blogger, or reporter to dig it UP!

The picture was UP on line, I’m not sure it still is, but if you just have to see it, you can bring it UP by clicking here.

It is considered the most famous portrait in the world.  I had never noticed they were missing, until one of my faithful readers and friends pointed it out.

It was fashionable in the Renaissance for ladies to shave them completely!

I’m glad that gone!  And it’s probably a good thing last week’s fashion friday subject didn’t know about that!