…I’ll be working!

BTW – Happy Birthday Jenny!

Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva, a Spanish Duchess is giving away her fortune so that she can “marry the man she loves”.  

She’s 85, how much cash does she really need?

She’s the Duchess of Alba, Maria, and is the most titled person on earth, with dukedoms, countships, viscounties, baronies, and manorials galore.  A descendant of King James VII of Scotland and a distant cousin of Winston Churchill, the duchess can trace her family tree back farther than most Europeans.

She plans to wed Antonio Diez as soon as the cash transfer to her children takes place.

The kids, all six of them, think the new hubby-2-be is an oro digging hijo de una puta, and are none to happy about the UPcoming day of bliss.  Rumor has it that the duchess does not speak often with ther children, but prefers to communicate through friends. 

Hmmm. Nice bunch.

Seems Mummy just won’t listen!

So, to shut them UP, she’s paying them off er, giving them her fortune.  Bear in mind she’s already given each of them their own palace, and the “wealthiest woman in Spain” just wants to be with the man she loves.

The Duchess has been married twice before, all six of the kids are from hubs # uno, The Duke of Sotomayor (no relation to the the Supreme Court Justice), who died in 1972.  Her second husband, died in 2001 after 23 years of marriage.  He was a former Jesuit priest who dropped the cloth to marry the duchess.  No one was happy about that marriage either.  Not, as one might think, because he was a self-defrocked priest, but because he was illegitimate! 

Fussy crowd those Albas.

Talking about giving things UP for love, his eternal soul and vocation were on the chopping block when he trotted down the aisle.

His name was Jesus, BTW, imagine that?  Jesus Aguirre y Ortiz de Zarate to be exact, traded in the monastic life for one of wedded bliss, and nearly 5 billion dollars.

The duchess likes to make a point of letting people know that she’s outlived her husbands, while her children are all divorced. 

The new guy, Antonio Diez is a civil servant who also runs a public relations firm.  Since the Duchess is a pretty popular celeb in Spain, all Iberia is in a dither.  Even the King chimed in.   He’s anti.  The house of Alba, of which she’s the 18th Duchess, says the groom is “gay”, a claim the groom denies.  He denied the rumors, of course!

I guess we Americans aren’t the only ones who love a good scandal. 

The wedding is soon, very soon, but it’s not a rush job, afterall the bride’s not preggers or anything, just in love. 

No one’s saying if the family will show for the bash, they might just be too busy counting the cash. 

Oh, yeah, she has eight grand-kids as well, and to shut them UP she gave each of them a palace too. 

Who says the real-estate market is bad?

As to the current groom, Antonio has been a friend of the duchess for “quite some time”, and one friend says they are really, truly in love.

We’ll see how long that lasts now that she’s “cash strapped”.

I’m pretty mercenary, and  I wouldn’t marry an 85 year old for money!  At least I think I wouldn’t.

No one’s talking about the wedding dress, I don’t know if the British Royals will be there, and I for darn sure don’t know who’s going to do her hair for the ceremony. 

I’m just hoping it’s not the guy who did this!

BTW, here’s a news clip from Newsy, provided by Molly.  It tells the REAL story!

I’ll wait a few minutes…

…hurry UP, times a wastin’.

I really wanted to call this “Is that a Hebrew National in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”, but Mae West’s estate  has lawyers, so I won’t use that.

This is a Fashion Friday Ass Of The Week Combo Package!

NY Congressman, and former roommate of The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart,  Anthony David Weiner – no, I’m not making this UP – thought he tweeted a picture of a man in his underwear who was visibly aroused to his girlfriend, but it ended UP on his yfrog account.

OOPS!

Did I mention he’s married?

Well, he is.   He married a long time assistant of Hillary Clinton last year.   Former President Bill Clinton presided over the ceremony.  Hmmmm.

Did I mention he was considering a run for they Mayor’s Office in New York City?

Well, he was.

Arnold is so relieved!

Weiner says his twitter account was hacked, his TIVO is on the fritz, and his Facebook account was hacked as well.  Facebook says there is no evidence his FB accout was hacked.  And on top of that, yfrog links only to Twitter, not Facebook.  And TIVO has nothing to do with it.  Someone needs a better spin doctor!

Hmmm.  Damn those Republicans!!

He did say his toaster was still loyal.

Seriously, he said that, on Twitter.

The Tool Tweet turn on try was somehow, linked to his yfrog account.

Note to self, don’t get a yfrog account.

The Washington Whatcom College woman whom Weiner was wooing by sending the tweet, deleted her account.  The website, Big Government originally reported the story in their article “Hacked or Hung” – oh how I want to write for those people - unearthed the tweet, and broke the news.  The woman deleted her Twitter account, but Ironic Surealism, another site found a second account linked to the woman.

The woman who is believed to have had the Twitter account @GennetteNicole, tweeted in April, “I wonder what my boyfriend @repweiner is doing right now?

Ok, honey, lay off the Tequila, it’s making you stUPid!

It hit Twitter by storm last week, and was instantly dubbed “weinergate”…again…I soooooooo want to write for these people!

Of course, he’s been all over the news this week, even Anderson Cooper’s producer got called a jackass by Weiner by him.  Hello pot, meet kettle!  And Weiner hasn’t “categorically denied” the picture is of him, he is, however denying that he sent it!

So, my Fashion Friday advice, guys – if you plan on sending a dirty picture of yourself to your girlfriend, or even taking one of yourself, and you’re a US Congressman, and your last name is for the Love of Liz, WEINER, expect for some journalist, blogger, or reporter to dig it UP!

The picture was UP on line, I’m not sure it still is, but if you just have to see it, you can bring it UP by clicking here.

One of the most colorful characters in politics when I was a disco hanging out in young man in my 20s was Wilbur Mills, US Congressman from Arkansas.

He kinda led the way for naughty boys everywhere.

He was a Democrat, so Larry Flynt didn’t out him, Wilbur kinda did that himself.

Wilbur was born on May 24, 1902 – so he’s dead now –  to a progressive and financially comfortable family in Kensett, Arkansas.  His daddy was a banker, school superintendant, and ran the first school system in Arkansas to be integrated.

Wilbur was smart.  He was the valedictorian of his high school class, the salutatorian of his college class at Hendrix College in Conway, Arkansas, and studied Constitutional Law at Harvard. 

He pretty much had a lot going on. 

He was judge back in Arkansas, and began a county-funded program to pay medical bills, prescription drugs, and hospital treatment for the indigent.  He was a bit ahead of his time.

He went to congress in 1939, served until 1977, and for 18 of those years was the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee.  He was a powerful man.

He was instrumental in creation of Medicare.  He was considered the primary tax expert in the Congress.  He was a fiscal conservative and a semi-social liberal. 

He also ran for President, but then again, who hasn’t?

Although he should be remembered for all that, which ain’t all that bad, most people remember him from the “Tidal Basin” Scandal in 1974.

Ya see, Wilbur liked to drink.

And Wilbur let liquor get him in trouble.

He was married for over 40 years.

Then he met a stripper.

In a bar.

While he was drinking.

Her name was Annabelle Battistella, and she was Argentine, but the world knew her as Fanne Foxe.

Wilbur fell hard for Fanne, and he fell from power.

The Nation section of Time Magazine on Decmeber 16, 1974 said…”From the stage of Boston’s Pilgrim Theater, a seedy burlesque house in the city’s newly designated “Combat Zone” for sex films and ecdysiast exhibitions, a shapely, silken-gowned Fanne Foxe, “the Argentine Firecracker,” had a surprise for her audience. “I’d like you to meet somebody,” she said, then called to the wings: “Mr. Mills, Mr. Mills! Where are you?” Onto the stage strode Arkansas Congressman Wilbur Daigh Mills, 65, the redoubtable Democratic chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. Placing a hand on Fanne’s shoulder, Mills began a brief exchange of quips with the audience, then received a kiss on the cheek from his favorite stripper and calmly walked offstage. With that unlikely bit of business, Mills’ distinguished 36-year legislative career came crashing down around him.”

They weren’t wrong.

Earlier that year, Mills car was stopped by US Park Police, because the driver had not turned on his lights.  Mills was intoxicated, and he had bruises on his face from a “tift” with Ms. Foxe.   When the po-po approached the car, Ms. Foxe jumped from the vehicle and dove into the Tidal Basin in a feeble attempt to escape.

It was a scandal!

And we ate it UP.

Not surprisingly these days, despite the scandal, Mills was re-elected to Congress in November 1974 in a heavily Democratic year with nearly 60% of the vote.  Back then, is re-election was a miracle.

Later on, in November of 1974, there was the theatre incident, which included an appearance on stage with Ms Foxe’s husgand and a press conference from the Stripper’s “dressing” room.  Just a thought, why do strippers need dressing rooms?  He told the press he went there to deny an affair with Fanne.

It didn’t work.

After leaving the Congress, Mills got sober.  He went to rehab, did not meet Liz Taylor, did not seek re-election in 1976, but did devote his time to counseling other alcoholics and rasising money for treatment centers.  One was eventually named for him;  the Wilbur D. Mills Treatment Center for Alcohol and Drugs, it’s in Searcy, Arkansas.

He had 15 minutes of ‘infamy’, and a great deal more than 15 minutes of fame!

…Arnold admitted yesterday that he has a love child.

With a ’staff-member’.

Shocking?

Not really.

A politician with a love child…John Edwards, etc…not news.

An actor with a love child…*insert endless list here* …not news.

A pissed off Hollywood wife moving out…not news.

I’m no longer surprised, I’m on the rare occasion, disappointed, but never surprised.

So, waht is news?  Schwarzenegger has inked a new deal for his come-back film, it’s called…”The Spermanator”.

I’m sure it’ll be great!

Well, that’s a tough question. 

The more I learn about Queen Victoria, the more I like her, but I’m glad she wasn’t my mom.

Henry VIII remains fascinating hundreds of years after he left a wake of headless ex-wives, priests, and other “traitors” behind.

And that’s just the English!

The French had their stars as well.

And it makes it hard to narrow down, so this could be a series! 

Yeah, I know you’re thrilled.

But, as always, my interest in history IS the people, and though I can talk cause, outcome, and reason for hours days weeks ever, I usually come back to the people.

Especially the ones with faults.

Which brings us to Prince George, Duke of Kent.

He was never king, but he was truly royal.

The present Queen’s uncle, The Duke of Kent, was among other things, a British Naval Officer and a war casulty.  He died during WW II at the age of 40.  He was the father of  Prince Edward, the present Duke of Kent, Prince Michael, and Princess Alexandra , 1st cousins of Her Majesty.  He was married to a Greek Princes, Marina, and was the last member of the British Royal Family to marry a “true’ foreign royal…UP to this point.

On 25th August 1942, Prince George, the fourth son of King George V, was killed when his aircraft crashed into Eagles Rock near Dunbeath, Caithness, Scotland. He was the first member of the British Royal Family to be killed on active military service for 500 years. His death is shrouded in mystery. The official report into his death has never been published. In fact, the government claims that it has disappeared from the archives.

Some believe that he was assassinated by the British intelligence services on the orders of Winston Churchill, and that The Duke of Kent was one of many people murdered as part of a cover-up operation

As with most of the “younger brother” royal family members, there was a dark side. 

Handsome and glamorous, he was probably the most interesting, intelligent and cultivated member of his generation of the Royal Family. He took a strong interest in the arts, theatre, and in interior decoration, an interest he shared with his mother, Queen Mary, but no other member of the family.

Both before and after his marriage, Prince George had a long string of affairs with both men and women, from socialites to cabaret singers to political figures to Hollywood celebrities.

Some of his liasons included the African-American cabaret singer Florence Mills, 

heiress Poppy Baring,

and social butterfly Margaret Whigham, who later became the Duchess of Argyll and was involved in a notoriously scandalous divorce case.

Twistedly enough, he had an affair with Barbara Cartland, the romace writer. 

And he is most likely the father of Cartland’s daughter, Raine (Acid Raine) McCorquodale, the step-mother of Diana, Princess of Wales.

Confused?

There were claims of a 19 year “off and on” affair with Noel Coward. 

Coward’s long-time companion, Graham Payn denied it, but intimate letters from the Duke to Coward were stolen from Coward’s house in 1942, shortly after the Duke’s death.  Most think the British Secret Service did the deed.

According to Lucy Moore, a British historian , he had an affair with Indira Raje, the Maharani of Cooch Behar – an Indian state; well, at least he was keeping it royal.

He was also ‘extremely close’ to Henry “Chips” Channon.  Channon was an American born, British politician who married into the Guinness (Ale) family, and had, shall we say, a reputation.

The Duke was also addicted to drugs – morphine and cocaine.  His older brother, The Prince of Wales, and the future King Edward VIII was comissioned by the family to ’cure’ him during the latter part of the 1920s.  There were several occasions when the Prince of Wales traveled to France and dragged his brother home, literally kicking and screaming.  He was one of the few royals banned from the George Cinc Hotel in Paris.

Goerge was blackmailed by a male prostitute to whom he wrote intimate letters.

Good thing texting was invented yet.

Another boyfriend was his distant cousin, Louis Ferdinand, Prince of Prussia, and the grand son of the last Kaiser of Germany.

British traitor, Soviet Spy,  and art historian Anthony Blunt may have been on George’s dance card as well.  Which could be why Churchill was so pissy about everything.

Prior to marrying Marina, The Duke tried to court Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.  She was less than amused, and sent him packing.  Juliana settled for a lesser royal, with less baggage, Prince Bernhard of Lippe-Bisterfeld instead.

In addition to his legitimate children, the Duke probably had a son with Kiki Preston a.k.a. Alice Gwynne.  The American society maven was a generous girl, and she, George, and Jorge Ferrara, the bi-sexual son of Argentine ambassador to the Court of St. James’s engaged in menage a trois on numerous occasions.

Kiki was known as “the girl with the silver syringe”.  Drug-addict Preston — a cousin of railroad heiress and jean queen Gloria Vanderbilt, was married at the time of her affairs with the George and Jorge.

Imagine that!

The Duke of Wndsor, older brother of George was convinced that the son was Michael Canfield, the adopted son of Cass Canfield, an American publisher, who by the way, was the first husband of Lee Radziwill, younger and far trampier sister of Jackie O.

This guy makes Prince Harry look DULL!

He’s not my favorite, but I’m sure he would have livened UP any party!

Seriously, I can’t find one. 

Four months dating, four months of marriage, what went wrong?

Fraud, annulment, just too much room for speculation.

Of course the Kenny’s gay rumors started.

He denied that.  “It’s not true. Period. Maybe I should have come out and said, ‘No, I’m not, but I didn’t want to draw any more attention to it.  I didn’t have to prove to anybody that I wasn’t. I didn’t feel like I really did.”  All this to Anderson Cooper, ahem, who should know if Kenny’s gay.

He’s a mystery man, not living in the US, but living on his own private island, a very private man.

There’s room for speculation, most stars are open books, or at least have a phony perosna to cover their tracks.

Not Kenny, he plays it close to the vest.

Renée and Kenny met on January 15, 2005, at the Concert of Hope tsunami relief benefit. Kenny was there as one of the performers, and Renée had volunteered to answer the telephones. 

Their annulment was finalized in Los Angeles Superior Court on December 20, 2005, when a judge granted their request. Officially, their brief marriage never existed. It was legally erased by the annulment process.

Ok, I know that’s all legal, but that’s all just crap.

It existed.  There was a preacher, there were witnesses, there were ‘I do’s’, and supposedly there was a consummation.

Or was there?

So, what happened?

They “tied” the knot on on May 9, 2005 in St. John in the Virgin Islands in a small, private wedding.

The easy theory could be that she wanted an immediate baby and he did not.  Wouldn’t that qualify for a “miscommunication of the objective of their marriage?”

That’s the term used in the annulment.

Could it be ego?

Chesney has said, to none other than Oprah, so we know it’s true, that he still hopes to be married, but “felt that the idea of marriage made me lose my identity… I just don’t know that I’ve found anybody bigger than that.”

Ok, ego just might be it. 

One Hollywood attorney, Sorrell Trope says, “If fraud is checked that means a promise was made before the marriage, but the person who made it had no intention of keeping it. The promise has to pertain to the heart of the marriage.”

So, did he say, yeah, I want kids, and then a few days later, say, “oh BTW, I had a vasectomy”?  I mean, who wants to wind UP with a few “souvenirs” from a tour?  Child sUPport!

Did he say, “Renee, you’re just butt ugly, and I don’t love you!”

Was it, “My 400 other girlfriends are jealous of you, so you’ll have to leave.”

Who knows?

Need some gift ideas?

Or better yet, what not to buy.

To chocolate or not to chocolate?  It’s a tricky one.  If you don’t, the underlying message may be that you think she’s “put on a little” weight.  If you do, then she might think you’re just taking the easy path.  After all, who doesn’t like chocolate?  And why would we want to spend a moment with them?

So, it’s a mine-field, but I’d say Chocolate is the safest bet.  Just don’t buy the cheap crap.  Esther Price is my all time favorite, but since I don’t live in Ohio and my sorry family UP there never sends me any there are no EP stores here, it’s hard to come by.

Cologne?  Again, a minefield.  What? Do I smell bad?  You don’t like the cologne I was wearing when you “fell in love” with me? 

I mean, really, who knows what’s going on inside that head?

Again, if you go cologne, don’t go cheap. 

Clothes?  Boooooooooooooooring!

CD’s, like she doesn’t have enough distractions to keep her from listening to you already.

Gift Cards – scream lazy.

Dinner out, done to death.

Roses, they die in a few days.

A weekend away, she knows what you’re after.

Jewelry, c’mon, times are tough, shouldn’t she just be happy you’re payin’ the bills?

Time together coupons – oh please!  Like she doesn’t see enough of your sorry ass self already.

A bottle of wine and a Barry White CD?  Hmmm.

And remember, that sexy lingere isn’t a gift for her, it’s a gift for you.

Gosh, it’s hard being such a romantic.

Last, that is.

The world’s most famous bachelor, founder of Playboy Magazine, and World Wide Bunny Hopper, Pajama Clad Hugh Hefner has found ‘true love’ at last.

He tweeted last week that, “After the movie tonight, Crystal & I exchanged gifts. I gave Crystal a ring. A truly memorable Christmas Eve.  When I gave Crystal the ring, she burst into tears. This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory.”

Hef later tweeted…he’s just so darn 21st Century…”Yes, the ring I gave Crystal is an engagement ring. I didn’t mean to make a mystery out of it.  A very merry Christmas to all.”

Well, Congratulations.  I guess.

And pardon me while I hurl!

He’s 84, she’s 24.

What’s 60 years when it’s true love?

The “blushing” bride-to-be is Crystal Harris. former Playmate.

The ink on his last divorce is barely dry, he dumped Kimberly Conrad, also a former Playmate,  last year.

Now, UP is all for romance, true love, and happy every after, and I rarely question love, since I’m always amazed that anyone ever fell in love with me, but c’mon. 

This is just gross.

He’s shed more skin than she’s shown.

What do they have in common?  He had voted in 39 elections before she was born.

He has a daughter MY AGE!

And I have a daughter who’s Crystal’s age.

I’m just wondering which will be tighter, the pre-nup of Joan Rivers’ next face lift?

Speaking of face lifts, Hugh could use one.

Of course Holly Madison is all in a snit.  She’s been trying to get Hef to tie the knot with her for years and was none to shy about it on the “hit” TV reality show, “The Girls Next Door.” 

This will be Hef’s third marriage.

Well, you know they say, “The third time’s the charm.”

I think I need some Pepto!

Oh shut UP!

The study of over 8,000 horny spend-thrift credit card running UP shoppers finds that it’s not the shopping, it’s the thrill of the kill, the bargain-basement-good-deal-find that turns women on.

Can it be true?  Can shopping turn you on? 

Does the Mall make you…can we, dare we say it…?

I don’t know, but…it may explain a few things.

1. Why so many well dressed women have slovenly, ugly mates – they’re getting it at the store!
2. Why America is in so much personal debt – some girls just can’t get enough, you know – shopomaniacs.
3. Why there are 25 shoe stores in every mall.  Foot fetish?
4. Why Target, Wal-Mart, CVS, Macy’s, Kohl’s, ad infinitum are full of single women. 

And it may explain the clouds of smoke outside of each store.  Who knows?