…at your Tatas, don’t take the girls out for a walk.

There are women out there who use their breasts as weapons.

Ok, c’mon girls,  admit it,  you know what you’re doin’!

Driving men crazy.

Flaunting them and then chastising us for doing what comes naturally!!

All men look at breasts.  Old men, young men, straight men, gay men, for Pete’s sake, BLIND men look at breasts!

And for all different reasons.

Most men, as we know are pigs.  They like boobs, tatas, hooters, etc.  They just like ‘em, and there ain’t no gettin’ away from it.  Afterall, an INTERNATIONAL restaurant chain is called “Hooters”, and no-one eats there for the food.  (My Mother thought it was Hoosiers because they were in Indiana until she and Daddy stopped for lunch!!  So sorry I missed that one.)

Some men want them, and some (Simon, please hit the gym) have them!

For some, it’s a “Mommy Issue”.  Not breast-fed long enough, or at all.  Some just “admire the beauty of a woman’s physique”, and some are just  – well, lecherous old fools.

As to the blind guys, Braille, I suppose!

Now, UP is not a Burka Fan, but help us out here.  Hide the girls.  Some researchers say men think of sex every seven seconds.  Some would say that’s a low number.  We really don’t need any more temptation.

And a few of you, like I said, you know what you’re doin’.  And it’s just plain cruel.  So stop it.

So please don’t wear a skin-tight Midge Pinciatti sweater and then get all Betty Freidan on me!

BTW,  this doesn’t help either.

So, on this Fashion  Friday, give us a break.  We can’t help it.  If you don’t want us lookin’, don’t put ‘em on display

Valentine’s Day, ah, what a pain!

Candy – rots your teeth.

Flowers – rot themselves,.

Lingiere – Kids to rasie, who needs it.

Contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day wasn’t created by Hallmark, Hersheys, or 1800Flowers.

It was created by Pope Gelasius in 496 AD to honor one of the “early Christian martyrs”.  He was Valentine of Terni, and became Bishop of Interamna or modern Terni around 197 AD.  Alledgedly, he was martyred during the Christian Persecution of Roman Emperor Aurelian.  Aurelian believed the that greatest god in the Roman Pantheon was Sol or Invictus, the sun god.  He was a tad bit annoyed by the whole Jesus movement and all that Christianity stuff.  So, Valentine had to go. 

Today, Valentine’s Day is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other. 

How did it get that way, you ask. 

Well,  all that lovey-dovey stuff really didn’t start until Geoffrey Chaucer pumped UP the notion of Courtly Love.  You know, pure unrequited love of the Middle Ages; King Arthur, Guenivere, Lancelot and all that crap.  Never mind that Lancelot and Guenivere were slippin’ off to the Motel Sex behind Artie’s back.   Geoffrey was a randy old dude who trotted around England in the nude often, and loved the ladies.  So, Valentine’s Day became Lover’s Day.

Or as a friend of mine called it, Single Awareness Day.

A lonely guy, no doubt.

Oddly enough, it comes from a very ancient pre-Roman pastoral festival, observed on February 15 to avert evil spirits and to purify the cities.  It released health and fertility…hence the love connection.  February gets its name from Februa, the pre-pre-Roman festival that became Lupercalia.  Lupercus was the god of Shepherds.  I’ll leave that one alone.  But, on the Ides of February, a goat and a dog were sacrificed.  (PETA, leave me alone and please quit spamming me.)  They also prepared mealcakes (fried grits) which were burnt by the Vestal Virgins.

But, alas, we’ve made it a day for lovers.  And it’s pretty popular.  One of the Hallmark Holidays, no pun intended.

American consumers spent $16.7 billion on Valentine’s Day in 2007, and each lover averaged $100!  And over one billion Valentine’s cards are sent or exchanged each year.

Yikes, am I in trouble.

So, tell the one you love, that you do, give them a card, and remember, there’s a goat out there who sacrificed his life so you could express your devotion to the special someone or someones (Tiger, John, Bill, etc.) in your life.

Can we talk about the “double standard”? 

I know, you’re saying, “Which double standard?”

I agree, there are far too many.

There really are far too many, and I could address several…

…but for now, try this one…

Ever hear a woman say, “Isn’t that just like a man?”?

I’m sure you have…I’m sure you may have said it.

And I’ll admit, stereotypes are there because they’re there.

At a business meeting back in the day when I had a “real” job, one of the big boys was working the remote for the presesntation when a female corporate Vice President said, 

 ”Isn’t that just like a man, they always have to have the remote.”.

Now, I personally believe that it is written somewhere in the Bible that the man should have the remote.  And frankly, women do not know how to work them.  I’m sure it’s because we’ve controlled them for so long that the evolutionary process has deleted that from the very DNA of the female.   So, guys, I’m sure it’s our fault.  Why not, everything else is.

It got me to thinking, and this is dangerous ground.  But if a MALE corporate Vice President had said, “Isn’t that just like a woman?” ,  there would have been attorneys, court dates, settlements, early retirements, and general mayhem.

I bring this UP, simply because after nearly 40 years of “sensitivity” training, diversity training, treating others with respect seminars, co-worker team building sessions, and media attention…it is still going on.

Are major corporations wasting their money on all this?

Probably.

People are people, people are going to say insensitive and ignorant things.  Maybe we need to just take it for what it’s worth and learn something about the person who’s saying it.

Maybe it’s just our plain old human selfishness to think we know better than someone else, aren’t like the typical woman/man, which ever the case may be.  Or maybe it’s really the way it is, and we just need to get over it.

Am I advocating saying what’s on your mind?

Yes!

That way we’ll know instantly how you really feel.

And we know what you really believe, and know just how far we should stay away from you!

So, speak your mind!

 It’s a know fact that women live longer than men.

Why you ask?

We’ve always been lead to believe that women are harder to live with, and men just die to get out of it.

And for years men have claimed that they work harder, worry more, and die younger because of it.

Maybe not so true.

A new study by the Japanese, recently published in Human Reproduction, a magazine I’m sure you all have on the coffee table, claims genes in sperm may be the determining factor in why women live longer than men.

Tomohiro Kono, a professor at Tokyo University and Saga University’s Manabu Kawahara discoverd that female mice produced from ‘genetic material’ from two mothers, but not from a father, lived a longer life (significantly) than the mice with the normal mix of “mom and pop” genes.

Oh Crap, Johnny really does have two mommies!

The “bi-maternal” mice came about when the two aforementioned scientists, who obviously have a God Complex and too much time on their hands, manipulated the DNA in mouse eggs.  All this manipulation made the genes go a little crazy, and they behaved like sperm. 

Go figure!  Killer sperm!

Once Tomo and Manny figured out how to do this, (and they aren’t telling anyone how they did it) the pseudo-sperm or “material” was implanted into unfertilized female mice eggs to create embryos. 

Again, they ain’t sayin’ how.

The “bi-maternal” mice lived 186 days longer than the “mom and pop” mice.

Now, I realize this is sounding more and more like a Japanese Horror Movie script, but really, this is some scary science here.

Researchers believe the real difference could be the fault of a gene called Rasgrf1. 

Discovered while the University Boys were enjoying a Bob Marley CD and smoking a bowl of Ganja, Rasgrf1 is located on the number nine Chromsome.   Rasgrf1 is associated with “post-natal” growth and normally “expresses”(whatever the heck that’s supposed to mean)  from the paternally inherited chromosome. 

So, to translate, Daddy’s genes are killin’ me!

According to one theory, males have bigger bodies in order to win out in the race for breeding opportunities (cruising singles’ bars) and thus “scatter their genes”.

Or,  ”Sewing thier wild oats.”

What’s the price for said spreading/sewing?

Well, other than penicillin, most likely a shorter lifespan.

Females, the object of man’s desire or prey, do not have to enter this beauty pagent, and thus save up thier reproductive output to do silly things like, deliver babies (labor), nurture babies (breast feeding), and hunt for food (shopping) , as well as avoiding preadators (bullies, short tempered dads, obnoxious little league moms, slutty teenage girls, etc.), thus allowing them to live longer…although I still don’t know how.  Those little league moms can be hell on wheels!

So, guys, if the fact that your wife is probably going to outlive you, which is in and of itself a little depressing, isn’t bad enough, the fact that it’s not her fault just ices the cake.

You might want to give your dad a call today, you know, to thank him for the sperm gene, the one that’s killin’ ya!