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Well, this weekend, I finally bit the bullet and bought a new mattress set.  It was time.  After far to long, the old one was killing me and it had to go.

I was not looking forward to the task.  I was sure I’d be beset with confusion and mattress envy.  The terms are confusing enough, firm, extra-firm, soft, pillow top, adjustable.  Really, I just want something that doesn’t hurt my back.

For the past month or more, I’ve awakened with a sickening back ache, and the amount of Advil I was taking was alarming even me.

Honestly, a hammock would be more comfortable!

So, off to the world of mattress stores I went.  I ended UP at Macy’s Home Store.  Terence greeted me, showed me a mattress the price of a small car, and was more than obliging when I said, “I read in the paper that you’re having a sale.”

We moved on.


It took all of 30 minutes.  I shop like a man.  I hunt the mattress, I shoot the mattress, and a I take the mattress home.

Well, actually, they are delivering it.

And taking the old one away.

To make a really boring story even more so, I decided that with the $100 gift card they gave me for purchasing the mattress, I’d glom onto some new sheets as well.


Of course, there are no sheets at the Macy’s Home Store, so I made my way across the Mall parking lot to Macy’s, $100 in hand.

Back in the warmth and soft lighting of the housewares department, I zeroed in on the sheets.

Martha Stewart really got mean in prison.

Sheets should not be this confusing.

800 thread count, 600 thread count, 500, 540, 420, and OMC!, 300 count.

I’m sure they feel like sandpaper.

All the counts were on sale…starting 1/30/2013, four days away.

I was there, I wanted sheets, they had sheets, I had money, they were advertising the sale price, so why, oh why, can’t I buy them now.

The wonderful lady in black said,”You can buy them on pre-sale.”

“Pre-sale?”  I asked.

“Yes, you pay for them now and then come pick them UP on the 30th when they are on sale.”

“Oh, so I have to make two trips?”

Then she informed me that she really wasn’t a sales person, and she’d find someone to ring me UP once I found the sheets I wanted.

I browsed, dug through bins – remember when things were neatly stacked at Rike’s and Rich’s and Burdine’s?

Well, it ain’t that way any more.

So, after digging and deciding, I walked to the “customer service” counter to purchase my sheets, holding them tenderly since I knew they would be languishing in the stock room until next week.

Alas, the nice lady was gone – back in her office – and there was no one at the ‘customer service’ counter.

Fortunately a 20-something came along, all dressed in black, and I asked if he worked there.

Of course, he was a manger too.

But, he’d be “glad to help”.

If only he could have.

40 minutes and 5 Macyites later, the Nigerian lady, who’s name I could not wrap my lips around, rang me UP, checked me out, took my money.

I keep telling myself, the sheets are free, the sheets are free.  $100 in gift cards, all on sale, really, free sheets.

But, 40 minutes to buy a set of sheets?

I just hope my sheets aren’t too lonely in the stock room, and I hope they’re there on Tuesday!

And I hope Macy’s can get its act together!

Gosh, I miss the nice ladies at Rike’s and Rich’s and Burdine’s.

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