The news this week has been all over the place. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, channeled George H. W. Bush and called for a “new world order”. Of course, Ahmadinejad, whom Fox News referred to as a ‘nut job’, wasn’t talking about the 1000 points of light kind, he was talking about one with out all the ‘global bullying’ of the United States while spewing anti-Jewish hate all over the General Assembly.
Then poor Pam Anderson got the boot from DWTS on the first night, her stint on the show lasting even less time than some of her marriages.
Crooner Andy Williams crossed over the Moon River for the last time; a sad, sad, day for music lovers every where.
And of course, Libya’s president came out and said the attack on the consulate was pre-planned, which if I’m not mistaken, I said a week or so ago.
And then the material girl, Madonna made an ass of herself and referred to the POTUS as a ‘black muslim’, sending her spin doctors into a frenzy.
There was violence in Greece over the new austerity programs put in place, I mean, after all, the place IS broke. Something has to be done!
Victoria’s Secret was even in the fray when one of their designs was termed racist by a blogger because it came with an obi sash, and was referred to as a sexy little geisha.
But, the real news, the real shocker, the real problem we have looming isn’t nuclear war, Greek violence, Madonna, or poor Pam Anderson finding a new gig.
The real problem is that there is a bacon shortage coming!
Yup! Seems the drought has boosted feed prices and lessend herds of swine. Britain’s National Pig Association, and no it’s not headed by Camilla, says that a bacon shortage is unavoidable, and every one should be prepared! The decline of maize and soya crops is the big culprit.
And, it’s not just those snooty British pigs that are declining, it’s pigs every where, all over the world.
The BNPA has launched a Save the Bacon campaign, and is calling for subsidies for struggling pig farmers world wide.
Just think about it! Bacon Cheese Burger with no bacon! Or Mom saying, “We’re having LT sandwiches for lunch!”
No bacon and eggs, no bacon flavored bits on the salad bar! And what’s a Rumaki to do?
It’s baconageddon! It’s a baconaclypse! It’s bachaos. It’s bacsanity!
And just what are those cupcake people to do on CupCake Wars? Really, no bacon cupcakes. It’s the end of society as we know it!
Oh, sure, Michelle Obama will be all happy, I mean, after all, there’s that ‘ya’ll eat healthy’ mantra. Really, secret fantasy: seeing her on Paula Deen’s show plowing her way through buttermilk biscuits, coconut cake, and fried chicken!
And, maybe if we eat a little less bacon (because we can’t afford it), America will get a little lighter.
Oh wait, it already is losing weight. Steve Wozniak is emigrating to Australia.
Yeah, it’s been a week.
Now, where’s my frying pan?