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…and quite frankly, that’s what it is.

Everyone is talking about Fifty Shades of Grey.  I may be a little late to weigh in on this.  I put off reading the book for a long time – I knew it was going to be something that I just don’t read.

50 Shades of Porn

But, read it I did.

And alas, I feel as though I need to go to confession…I’m not Catholic BTW…it’s a quite rueful read.

Don’t bother.

Here’s my take.  Unrealistic, pornographic, unrealistic, silly, over done, porn, and did I mention unrealistic!

The story of a control freak, heavy on the freak, who’s into bondage or in street language, BDSM, and his newest ‘sub’, it takes a young woman from virginity to freaky sex at warp speed.  The main character other the Christian Grey (I am sure the name alone was intentionally chosen to insult), is Anastasia Steel (again, the name was intentional), a graduating senior at a Washington College, who meets Mr. Grey serendipitously; her room mate is too ill to make an appointment to interview him.  As fate would have it, he’s smitten, and commits to make her his love slave on the spot.

She is of course not aware of this, and falls prey to Grey in an over the top manner.  Really, really, really over the top!

She also talks to herself waaaaaaaay too much!

And her ‘inner goddess’ talks to her waaaaaaaay too much too!

Really, you want to slap them both!

It  has been on the best seller list for weeks.  The largest segment of purchasers:  TEENAGE GIRLS!!!!

The teen rush has been spurred on by pictures like this…

Selena Gomez reading 50 Shades of Grey

Ms. Gomez shouldn’t be reading this book, and this picture alone has sold millions.  I’m sure Ms. James, the author nearly peed herself with joy when she saw it!  The only thing that could make it sell more is for Michelle Obama and Oprah to do an audio book!

This is not a book for teens.  The topic alone is adult – ONLY, and barely that.

Frankly, raised by wolves comes to mind.  Where are the parents?

I’m not even sure it’s a book for adults!

It’s considered a romance novel.  Really?  The last romance novel I read was Falcounhurst Something or Other about a hundred years ago. Romance novels consist of heaving breasts, turgid flesh, and trembling thighs.  This book consists of whips, chains, and terms I’m too prudish to mention…and THAT’S A STATEMENT RIGHT THERE!

As to the writing, it’s just not all that good.  Now, it’s not just Heather Graham bad, it’s Danielle Steel bad!! It’s just not good writing.  Think about it, D.H. Lawrence told a love story with over the top sex, yes, it was banned, and yes, it was provocative, but at least it was real literature.

This is not.

It’s smut.

To take a line from Dorothy Parker, “…this is a novel that should not be tossed aside lightly, it should be hurled with great force…”

Frankly, I think the author, Ms. E. L. James, deserves a good spanking!!

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