I recently read an article called “8 Things Your House Guest Won’t Tell You.”

It was pretty tame, and I must say, incomplete.

It included, My water glass left a ring on your table.  After I turned out the light, I hit my knee on the bed. I’m hungry. I woke UP at the crack of dawn.  I hate the giant boquet in my room. I worry about waking you UP.  I’m really cold at night, or really hot.  and I can’t find a place to charge my phone. 

Seriously, YAWNIER than Yanni!

And they went on to sell you things, to make your guest feel more comfortable.

So, I’ve come UP with a few more…just to make it interesting.

• You have no taste what so ever, and that thrift store decor in the guest room gave me a headache!
• You may think your sheets are 600 thread count, but they feel like sandpaper!
• I (or my spouse as the case may be) peed all over the bathroom mat in the middle of the night because I (or he as the case may be) was too lazy to turn on the light. 
• Your Grandmother’s recipe for Tuna Casserole sucks – out loud!
• You need to UPdate your magazines in the crapper!
• And buy better toilet paper!
• You don’t walk, you stomp around your house!  Who can sleep with that going on?
• I thought someone had brought an earthmover into the yard, but then I realized it was your snoring!
• Your neighbors are running a meth-lab in their garage.
• You have bed-bugs, now!

Just so you’ll know.