Warm Spring weather is right around the corner.

Can I get a witness!

Really, this winter has been hard on all of us, and I for one am ready for some Spring.

So, with Spring in your step,  before you got out in these…

or these…

…you’d better get one of these…

That’s right fellas,  Man UP!

Guys (and gals) it’s time to schedule that pedicure.

Crazy as it may seem, guys, make a day of it.  Take your wife partner someone you’ve just met significant other and go tag-team those tootsies!

No one wants to see your crusty toenails and nasty feet! 

You’ll feel better, and we’ll all rest easier not having to look at your nasty-been-in-shoes-and-socks-all-winter dogs!

…Ok, I may have to rethink my drug policy.   Cheech Marin (Cheech and Chong) beat Aisha Tyler and Anderson Cooper on Jeopardy! 

What drugs did they do?

Really, UP is tres anti-drug.  Yet it worries me that Cheech Marin was able to trump one of the biggest names in News Broadcasting and one of the Funniest Comic Ladies around. 

Sadly, none of them got the Final Jeopardy question.

The Question in Question:  “In 1890, he witnessed a mild cyclone in Aberdeen, S. Dakota, and it became fodder for his novel.”

Well, I guess Jeopardy Questions aren’t really questions, but statements begging a question.

The Answer, er, Question:  Who was L. Frank Baum?

The book The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Ok, how could Anderson Cooper not know that?  I’m sure thousands of his fans were sorely dissappointed.

As to Aisha and Cheech, no surprise.

But, alas Cheech won.

Hmmm.

Poses yet another question, Did Cheech really do all those drugs?

And what was Anderson smokin’ back at Yale.  Yes, he’s an Eli!  Just like GW, Hillary, and Bill.

And what was Aisha doing at Dartmouth and the San Francisco School of the Arts?

But the real story here isn’t what they did in college nor what they didn’t know.

The real story is what inspires someone to write a story, novel, blog, letter.

A cyclone!

Something that simple, severe, enormous inspired L. Frank Baum to write one of the most beloved books and one of the greatest movies of all time.

So, dear readers, if you wonder, and I’ll not begin to compare myself to Mr. Baum, what it takes to inspire me. 

Well, not much.

It’s the little things that matter.

Ok, I’m not making this UP!

Really, it’s true.

Trust me.

When I first moved to Brandon, Florida in the mid-80s, there was a politician there named “Spud” Clements.

I have no idea what his real name was, but everyone, and I mean everyone knew him as “Spud”.  He’d been the state representative for that area for 22 years.  He served in WW II, and was a State Highway Patrolman for years.  He and his daughter, Cathy were the first Father Daughter team to graduate from the FBI Academy.  He was a 32 Degree Mason, member of the Egypt Shrine, Lions Club, Baptist Church and looked like the sherrif in Porky’s.

He was a Democrat.  It was the Reagan Era, and GHWBush was running for President.  Chris Can’trememberhislastname, an UP and comer, whipper-snapper Republican walked from house to house in the district and whipped ole’ Spud’s Twice Baked Behind.

Chris lasted one term.  He hated politics, hated the compromising, and went back into the more reputable profession of Real Estate.

Spud retired and passed away not long after.

What reminded me of this story and Spud was a recent news story about an Arkansas law regarding nicknames.

Seems had Spud run in Arkansas, he’d have been fine.

Had he been a retired army officer whom everyone called Colonel, he would not have been.

Those crazy Arkansans who gave us Hope not so long ago have a law on the books that prohibits nicknames that denote rank or retired rank from the US Armed Services on ballots unless one is already elected and running for re-election.

Say what?

So, it’s ok in Arkansas to list D’James “Two” Rogers and Harald “Porky” Kimbrell on the ballot, but not Conrad “Colonel” Reynolds. 

Now, I’m quite sure that Two comes from the fact that D’James is the II in the family, and Porky says he got his nickname when he was a fat little kid and everyone called him Porky Pig.  Apparently the Jenny Craig gift certificates didn’t work, and he just stuck with tater tots, fried chicken, collards and the nickname.

Well, the Colonel is all a fumin’ about this, and is challenging the law. 

Seems if elected, the top priorty is to get that pesky “Name Law” changed so that future generations won’t have to worry about their friends not knowing who to vote for.

Wait a minute, isn’t there a war goin’ on, taxes to raise, health care to stop, and traffic lights to put UP?

And Arkansas isn’t the only state with pesky name rules.  Tennessee wouldn’t let a woman list “Grandma” in the middle, and one guy even tried to use “No Middle Name” but was denied since “he had an agenda”.   Seriously, a politician with an agenda.  You gotta’ be kiddin’ me!! 

If you can come UP with a politician who doesn’t have an agenda, let me know.  I for darn sure don’t want him.

Singer, writer, humorist Richard “Kinky” Friedman of Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys was allowed to use his middle name when he ran for Governor of that Great State.  But then that’s Texas, and they had a Governor who went by one initial.

So, to all you Bubbas, JimBobs, TuPacs, Kinkys and Freakys out there, bring it on, just leave that uniform in the closet!

And Arkansas, thanks for keepin’ that Southern Stereotype alive.

…Isn’t the Library supposed to be a happy place?

It was for me.  Germantown Public Library held wonderful treasures when I was a kid.  And I read as many of them as Mrs. Kindig would allow.

But for one Colorado man, the local Library may just remain a nightmare.

Aaron Henson sat handcuffed in the back of a Littleton, Colorado police car desperatly trying to figure out what freakish thing could have gotten him arrested on a snowy Interstate 70.  He was speeding, but really, arrested?

Seems Mr. Henson had committed the crime of not returning a library DVD back in 2004.

Dang!  That is one serious librarian.

He spent eight hours in jail until his Dad came and bailed him out.

When he called his Mother, she didn’t believe him, since “there is no book police”.

Well Mom, you’re wrong…and I wouldn’t hold my breath on that Mother’s Day Card this year.

Littleton’s Library lost $7,800. in library materials in 2009, and apparently they’re pissed about it.

The outstanding warrant was technically for “failure to appear”.   For the non-misdemeanorous of you, that’s  not showing up for a court date.

Aaron wasn’t aware he was a wanted man, didn’t know about the court date, and therefore – didn’t appear.

Oops!

While in police custody, the generally law-abiding gentleman was fingerprinted, photographed, and booked.  His car was towed, impounded, and marked with a driver arrested note.

The library doesn’t buy his story that he moved, never got the notices, and never got the court date information.

Henson claims he left the DVD with a friend and forgot about it.

Henson said, “I understand the city was following its procedure … but when somebody’s not informed of a court date and then they’re getting arrested on the side of the road, getting embarrassed, having fear (and I’m guessing craping himself the entire time.) and all that, it just doesn’t sit well with me.” 

I’m sure that’s an understatement.

The city has refunded the $460 the arrest cost Mr. Henson and promised to wipe the incident off his record.

“In the meantime the court and the police department have been directed not to issue any further summons for failure to return library materials,” stated city spokesperson Kelli Narde.

Probably a good idea.

But remember, keeping a library book is stealing a library book.  Don’t do it.

The local library had 81 instances last year that went as far as sending a summons to return the library book.

The local librarian said “80 of them were resolved without any problem.”

Well, that’s a pretty good percentage, unless you’re Mr. Henson.