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I spent most of Thursday night in the ER.

EMERGENCY

I’d just like to say, NBC is a big fat liar!

ER

So is ABC, Grey’s Anatomy – not even close.

GREY'S ANATOMY

Just a few observations and suggestions, if you have a minute.

First of all, no one looked like McDreamy, McSteamy, or Katherine Heigel.

A few looked like Jack Black, and one looked like Disco Stu from the Simpsons, but most, McCreepy.

DISCO STU

And that was just the Doctors!

The patients and visitors…well, don’t ask.

So, before you go, try to remember these things.

Is it really necessary for the entire family, down to 3rd cousins once removed to be there?  Grandma/Great Aunt Bertha really doesn’t need you.  And if you don’t have  medical degree, why are you there?  And too boot, it’s the 21st Century, can you say CELL Phone?

And, is it really necessary to hop your children UP on Mountain Dew and Snickers Bars before you leave the house…you know, just after getting the call that the aforementioned relative is in the ER with chest pains, brain spasms, ingrown toenails.

Honestly!

Now, as to the youngins; live tree or fake one, they are not supposed to pull the leaves off and throw them at each other.  And they are especially not allowed to throw them at me once they tire of making their little sister cry.

The water and soft drinnks they bring around, you know, the Candy Stripers, they’re for the patients, not you.  There’s a Coke Machine down the hall.  This is Georgia, three things you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting are, a Baptist Church, a Waffle House, and a Coke Machine.  (Of course the Pepsi machine is buried in the third underground level of the parking garage, so don’t even look…some people have gone a lookin’ and never returned!)

And as to proper attire:  Seriously, terry cloth shorts were made for the beach, and for people who are no more than a size 2.  I’m sure you were in a hurry, but it’s February afterall, and not to get all Fashion Friday, but “Should you be wearin’ that?”

Let’s talk footwear for a second.  Pink Bunny Slippers were only funny in “Torch Song Trilogy” and on “Malcolm In The Middle”, put on your Nike’s before you dash to the car. 

Not to be picky, but there are two areas.  Each is clearly marked.  One says WELL WAITING, and one says SICK WAITING.  A little clue, if you’re WELL, sit under the word that matches your condition.  Do not sit by me and cough UP a lung!

Oh yes, one more thing!  They are really serious about the NO SMOKING sign in the parking lot.  It’s a hospital after all.

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