…is fat, lazy, unhealthy, and stupid.

This was the headline on Yahoo last week!

States in New England top a new set of rankings, while the South still lags. 

Frankly, I’m a little tired of it.  And I think all those Yankees they asked in the polls were just plain lyin’, bless their hearts!

Apparently, Vermont is the healtiest state in the US. 

Well, did they ask all eight people living there? 

Could they find them all? 

Did they tell the truth? 

Probably not.

This study, and its rankings are conducted and issued by the United Health Foundation a “not-for-profit” funded soley by the United Health Group, an Insurance Company.  

Sweet!

Vermont, along with five other New England states, is in the top ten.  Well, first of all, it’s cold up there 10 months a year, so they are probably well preserved.  There are fewer fat people up there;  they make more money, so they can afford better food.  And none of them know how to cook like we do down South.  You know, Paula Dean style, with butter and real cream and whole milk and all that!

Of the bottom ten, eight are in the South.  The fat asses over in Mississippi came in dead last for the umpmteenth year in a row.  They have a very high death rate from heart disease and infant mortality. 

I’m sure it’s all the Mississippi Mud Pie they eat, and not the dirt.

Really, what is it with everyone up North thinking Southerners eat dirt?  I’ve never met a one who did, except my sister, and she stopped that after Mother tanned her hide a few times.  But yet, the myth remains.

We’re not ALL inbred, I may be my own fourth cousin and have a special page on Ancestry.com called the family palm, but not everyone in Georgia is in it.

We have more sun year round, so we burn more…skin cancer.   We raise tobacco, more people in the South smoke, more cancer.  We eat fatter foods, more heart disease.  We have NASCAR, more speeding and more traffic deaths.  We have stills, more liver disease.

But think about it, without all that stuff, who wants to live all that long anyway?

And we’re not lazy either.  Really, would some one in New York have bombed a federal fort back in 1861?  I don’t think so. 

And as to the stupid, well, lets just put it this way.  Jefferson, Madison, Clinton, to name a few.

And then there’s Faulkner, Styron, Berendt, Capote, Harper Lee, I could go on.

Then there’s NASA, The CDC, Emory, Duke, and again, on and on and on.

Where would the world be without us?

So, Yahoo, and all the other folks who love to dish our accents, foods, fun, and frolic…

you can just kiss my grits!

Oh, Crap!

Associated Press recently reported that there are dangerous levels of cadmium – a known carcinogen which can slow brain development in young children (aren’t all children young?), have been found in children’s jewelry.

Where’s this crap coming from?

Where else, China.

Wal Mart, Claire’s, and Dollar N More are carrying the stuff, or at least were.

Supposedly, it’s been pulled.

“What is it?”, you ask.

That’s right, Disney, China, and Wal Mart are killing our children.

This must be stopped!

Let’s all run over there right now, protest like crazy, and get on TV!

Ashland University Chemistry chairman Dr. Jeffrey Weidenhamer tested 103 pieces of children’s jewelry and found a whopping 12% toxic.

AP quotes him, “There’s recent research indicating exposure to cadmium can cause learning disabilities or permanent loss of IQ.

He worries that “Kids wearing the jewelry can be exposed to the cadmium through sucking or biting the jewelry.”

Isn’t little Johnny dumb enough already?

So, just how does such a scary, destructive, retarding, agent wind up in your kids jewelry box?

Well, glad you asked!

Apparently, due to a loophole in the law, cadmium is banned in painted toys but not in jewelry.  (I’m guessing it was cut out in committee by some sneaky cheap jewelry company heir, or maybe some secret mole from a crap jewelry producing country…you can’t be too careful ya’ know!)

So, to cut to the chase,  the sale of cadmium-rich jewelry is legal.

Response to the report has been speedy.

Wal Mart moved with lightning speed to remove the stuff.  Claire’s did too.  I don’t know about Dollar N More, cause we don’t have there here.

State and federal “watch dawg” groups are snoopin’ around and askin’ questions. 

And the US Consumer Product Safety Commission sent a tape to Hong Kong to ask manufacturers to steer clear of using cadmium, antimony or barium in place of lead in children’s products.  They had Inez Tenenbaum, the chairwoman, make the tape.

That’s Inez on the left, she’s with Wang Xin, he does cars, not toys and such.

She looks like a nice enough lady, who probably has grandchildren she doesn’t want suckin up cadmium, and I’m sure she’s doin’ the best she can.

Oddly enough, toy manufacturers have turned to cadmium as a lead substitute.

IRONY!

Congress already banned lead in toys in 2008 since it can “cause cancer, kidneys that leak vital protein, and bones to spontaneously snap.”

Sweet!

So, what does mommy (and or daddy) do?

I’m sure you’re already running to to jewelry and toy box, so, I’ll stop now.

…As far as I’m concerned, Late Night TV died 17 years ago when Bette Midler sang “One For My Baby” on Johnny’s last show.

So we’re back to Jay and Dave.

Conan has left the building.

With $45 million dollars.

I’ll quit my job for $45 million.

But, alas, we have Jay and Dave to contend with.

They seem to have lost even the icy pretend fondness they once had.

Dave was alreay dpissed because Jay got Johnny’s spot and network.

He hid it well, professionally, for years.

But now,  not so much.

Dave recently said, “I’m telling jokes and making fun of Jay Leno ove and over and over and over, relentlessly, mercilessly simpply forone reason, I’m really enjoying.”

No love lost there.

And Jay said this, “Letterman has been hammering me every night  You know the best way to get Letterman to ignore you? Marry him. He will not bother you. He won’t look you in the eye.”  Low blow, since Dave admitted on TV to the extra marital affairs.

Jay’s prime time format failed, and NBC knowing that Jay has huge appeal is putting him back.

Another mistake in my book.  Jay really showed what he is made of.  He ain’t all that nice.  Rolling Stone Magazine says that Jay spent all those years making drunk people laugh in tough bars and clubs and became tough himself.  He’s a fighter, and he’s fighting for survival.  By retaking the Tonight Show, pushing a much loved Conan O’Brien out of the way, $45 million or not, he’s lost his nice guy image.

And that image is what has kept him popular.

So, what’s it all boil down to?

It ain’t about the money.  He’s got plenty.

Supposedly he banked the Tonight Show money for 16 years and lived on his stand up money.

It’s about the EGO!

He’s got one bigger than his chin!

So, we’ll see. 

Well some people will.  I quit watching late night when Johnny left!

…Mariska Hargitay…

 Law and Order SVU star.

Born in 1964, Mariska was the daughter of Mickey Hargitay, a  Hungarian Body Builder and Mr. Universe and Jayne Mansfield, a Blonde Bombshell in the 1950s.

They were the Barbie and Ken of their days.

Mariska, an award winning actress, mother, and philanthropist and activist who speaks five languages fluently, is true Hollywood Royalty.

Mariska is the founder and president of Joyful Heart Foundation, established in 2004 to help victims of sexual assualt.

The zig-zag scar on the side of her head is from the car accident in which her mother was killed.  Mariska and her brothers Miklos and Zoltan were in the back seat with her as well.  Both were uninjured.  Their mother was decapitated.  The accident occured near Slidell, Louisiana on June 29, 1967 when Mariska was 3 and 1/2 years old.

A true “overcomer”, she survived a collapsed lung garnered while doing her own stunts on TV’s Law and Order: SVU.  Mariska was reared by her father and his third wife, was Miss Beverly Hills, and the fourth runner up in the Miss California USA pagent. 

She got her TV start on Falcon Crest in the 80s, her first movie role was in Star 80.  (I didn’t see it either!)

In 2008, whe was recognized as the “highest paid working Television actress” by the Guinness Book of Records.

You go girl!