…J. Edgar Hoover, or as Lily Tomlin when playing Ernestine called him Jedgar Hoover.

Hoover was born on January 30, 1895 and re-created the F.B.I.  making it the most powerful “police agency” in the world.

Regardless of how one feels about J. Edgar, he knew his job, tracked America’s Most Wanted, and fought crime dilligently and brilliantly.

Rumor has it he was an expert on ladies’ fashion as well.

…and I think I’ve found the proof.

First of all, my philosophy; unless there’s a wedding cake, coffin, college diploma, or court date, there is no neck tie!

My applogies to my brother and his sons on the math thing, but really…

… Divide using the synthetic division. 

(3x² +4x) / (x +5) = ?

I am still trying to figure out why I would care.  And on top of that, I won’t even wear synthetic fibers, much less divide using synthetic division!

It was recently explained to me that the difference between Arithmetic and Math is that Arithmetic uses the four functions,( +,-,x,/), while Math requires higher thinking, 

Here’s an example of higher thinking…

Find the number of possible positive real zeros and the number of possible negative real zeros for f(x) = 4x⁴ – 13x^{3 –}  21x²   +  38x -  8m

According to Descartes’ Rule of Signs, the number of positive real zeros is the same as the number of sign changes in the coefficients of he terms in descending order or is less than this by an even number…AND IT GOES ON, AND ON, AND ON.

How, I ask is this going to help me balance my check book?

I don’t want to think this high.

I have a theory if you will. 

Ever seen a math teacher without a necktie?

My High School Math teacher, Mr. Matthews…always had a tie on.

That’s right…it’s restricted blood flow to the brain that makes them come up with all this stuff.

 Math guy, uptight, necktie, thick soled shoes.  He gives us this:

(3x² +4x) / (x +5) = ?

Some say… The Necktie was invented during the French Revolution, when folks were being marched to the guillotine by the cartload.  Its purpose was for burials, it was used to keep the head from rolling around. (Ah, the French…fashion conscious to the end…literally.)  People thought it looked so good on the corpses, that many of the well dressed men dared to wear them.   This is one theory, there are a million of them. 

Some give it to the Chinese Emperor, Shih Huang Ti.  Shihti, as he was called when in grade school, was so afraid of death, he wanted to take an army with him.  After hearing of this plan, his generals got together and said, “Ah…No!  I don’t think soooooo!”.   After an evening of Sake, imported from Japan, hookers from Hong Kong,  and a little soothing sitar music from India, the Generals convinced him to make statues of the army to protect him.  The one similarity, they each had a neck cloth (tie).  I’m pretty sure once the Clay Army was in place, good old Shihti got one too many ‘ludes’  in is tea and drifted off to eternity.

Now, since the French Revolution was a bad idea.  (Marie Antionette was really a pretty nice gal, and poor Louis was just misguided and a little slow.)  And the Chinese Emperor was apparently a crackpot; I can’t imagine anyone but Old Nick himself putting either idea in someone’s mind.  I say the correlation is just too close.  After all, who always gets the blame for the suffering of the world? 

The devil. 

Ergo, Math and Neckties are of the devil.

Happy Fashion Friday

AP is reporting that US Figure Skater Johnny Weir will replace the fox on one of his costumes with faux fur after he and his costume deisgner were targted by an aminal rights group.

He received “hate mail and death threats.”  Tara Modlin, his agent reported today.  He is afraid they will disrupt his performances it the Vancouver Olympics.

He is changing it because he “needs to focus on skating.”

The report does not say which group sent death threats.

Looks like the bad guys won this one.

I say, screw them all!

Friends of Animals posted an open letter to U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir criticizing him for having fox fur on one of his costumes and asking him to stop wearing fur.

Oh, get over it!

The animal advocacy group also contacted his costume designer, Stephanie Handler, on Tuesday.

I’m sure she told them to kiss her grits!

 “I totally get the dirtiness of the fur industry and how terrible it is to animals. But it’s not something that’s the No. 1 priority in my life,” Weir said on Tuesday. “There are humans dying every day. There are thousands if not millions of homeless people in New York City. Look at what just happened in Haiti.

Way to go Johnny!  There are more important things going on!

“I tend to focus my energy, if there is a cause, on humans. While that may be callous and bad of me, it’s my choice.”

Again, way to go Johnny.

I like this guy more and more!

When did animals become more important than humans?

Now, UP is not an animal abuser, and thinks people who are cruel should be dealt with.

But, priorities folks, priorities.

Weir is fashion crazy, and his outfits tend to be – ah – a tad over the top.

This time, he had a smidge of white fox added to the skin tight, shimmering leotard he’s wearing in Canada.  Something tells me that he won’t be the only person in the Frozen Hinterland wearing fur!

Weir said he thought the costume was “lovely,” (Ok, Johnny, butch it UP!)

But alas, the Friends of Animals disagree. They claim foxes are electrocuted or beaten, and their pelts are obtained by skinning the animals alive. 

Priscilla Feral, president of Friends of Animals who supports the boycott of Idaho Potatoes because the Governor hunts and spends her time trying to get people in Ethopia to become Vegans,  says,

“He’s a role model for a lot of people, including other skaters. (I’m guessing he’s a role model for ONLY skaters.)  When he makes fun of the suffering of animals that are consumed for this frivolous fashion industry and whose lives are sacrificed so he can wear little tufts of fur on his outfit, that’s fair game for comment.”

Oh, really!

Skating isn’t a fashion industry, it’s a sport.  One that takes years of hard work and dedication, sacrifice, and effort. 

And, he’s not making fun of animals, he’s wearing them!

 Focus, Prissy, Focus!

Weir finished third at the U.S. Championships, qualifying a second time for the Olympic Team.

Friends of Animals was not the first group to target Weir. He said he’s gotten letters from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and people have sent him videos depicting how animals are treated by the fur industry.

So, they’re all ganging UP on poor Johnny.  And his costumer.

“She (the costumer) did what I asked her to. It wasn’t her choice to make me a costume with fur,” Weir said. “At least directly come to me and yell at me. Don’t attack my peeps.”

Oh, Johnny’s all street now!  Holla!

Weir said he understands the groups’ objections, but he doesn’t share their point of view.

Besides, he’s not the only skater wearing animal skin products.

“Every skater is wearing skates made out of cow,” Weir said. “Maybe I’m wearing a cute little fox while everyone else is wearing cow, but we’re all still wearing animals.”

I’ll bet the Ms. Feral’s shoes are some lovely petroleum based rubber old lady comfort thing!

Johnny thanks for manning UP and taking the heat!

And good luck in Canada!

Oh, yes, to the fur industry, I wear a 44 short and would look great in silver fox.  After all, it’s been a really cold winter in Georgia!