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25 things to remember this Christmas.

Christmas Parties can add stress to the holiday season.

I’d like to be a Scrooge and say DON’T GO!

But, alas sometimes, ya just gotta go, so here are  a few things to remember.

  1. If it is a “work” party, it’s a business meeting, and you should act appropriately.  Meaning – don’t over do, on anything…drink, food, clothes, neckline, etc.  The boss is there, and he/she is watching. 
  2. MENTAL NOTE!  FIRE HIM MONDAY!

  3. Try not to talk too much shop.  Just enough to fake the feeling give the impression that you care, and let them know you’re not clueless as to what’s going on and the company purposes.
  4. Talk to the spouses, dates, and friends of your co-workers rather than spending all the time kissing chatting up the boss.
  5. Don’t get drunk.
  6. Don’t pose for a photo with a Bud in your hand or a cigarette or a joint.
  7. Don’t tell anyone they have a “nice rack”.  WELL NOW!
  8. or Bodacious Booty.
  9. If you observe rule # 4 you are less likely to break rules 6and 7.
  10. Don’t wolf down the shrimp, it’s expensive, limited, and others may want it.  Plus, it’s really not all that pleasant when it comes back up.  (See rule # 4)
  11. Thank the people who worked so hard to plan the party and thank the boss for letting go of the cash in such crappy economic times.
  12. Don’t leave too early, stay at least 45 minutes to an hour, and act like you want to be there even if you don’t.
  13. Don’t leave too late, the party planners are tired and want to get the heck outta there too.
  14. Don’t break wind, it is unlikely that there will be any dogs there on which to place blame.
  15. Don’t call any of your female co-workers a dog, by the way…again…rule # 4.
  16. Don’t talk about yourself all the time…we know you’re the most fascinating person in town, but listen…even if you’re talking to the most boring person on the planet.
  17. Unless you work for a church, The Salvation Army, or the Gideons, don’t talk religion.
  18. Or Politics.
  19. Know your audience when telling jokes, Father O’Malley may have already heard the one about the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Mechanic walking into a bar.
  20. The F word is off limits.
  21. Don’t flirt with anyone, she may be the wife of your boss or the guy who can bench press 350.
  22. Don’t make woopie in the copy/coat/bed room…it’s just sooo tacky, and people will point (and possibly laugh) and talk about you…FOREVER.  Why make coming to work on Monday any more difficult than it is already?
  23. Shrimp aside, don’t over eat.  Waffle House is open 24 hours a day, and you can stop by for a Red Neck Latte and some hash browns on the way home. 
  24. Red Neck Latte

  25. There will probably be a lot of hand shaking going on, so keep a nakpin handy.  No one likes a wet handshake.
  26. Don’t kiss anyone, it ain’t Hollywood.
  27. Don’t mention that last year’s party was better, because the “company wasn’t in the toilet then”.

Oh, yes, and have a good time!

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